Better put toilet paper on Johnny’s next “Back to school” list if you live in Detroit. The principal of an elementary school recently sent out a letter to parents requesting among other things, toilet paper and light bulbs. In asking for the donations, the school letter pointed out that the request was, “of the most utmost importance for proper school functioning and most importantly for student health and safety.” And you thought shootings and teachers with overactive libidos were all you needed to worry about. But I digress.
Because of the district’s $400 MILLION budget deficit it is on the verge of being assigned an emergency financial manager by the state. (And we know how effective those Michigan government financial managers are, eh?)
One alert reader commented that part of the problem lies in the fact that Detroit schools receive “only” $7,500 per kid as opposed to more affluent districts which receive $12,000 per child.
I nearly spat out my coffee on that one. And I had an epiphany on how they can solve their um, delicate issues. Skip the emergency financial manager and hire a homeschool mom to balance those books. Statistically speaking, we homeschool moms educate our children far better and we do it for an average of $500 a year. (I can’t specifically recall if that is per child but I think it’s per family.) And any toilet paper shortage is quickly remedied by a trip to WallyWorld.
And in the meanwhile—on another Great Lakes shore, we have the scandal in the Chicago Public School where ersatz educators purchased cappuccino machines to the tune of $67,000. True, that amount is trifling for the amount of moola in their budget.
Now on the one hand, being a coffee fiend, I have a soft spot for coffee-related things. And I do commend the vocational programs for wanting to impart 21st century skills to the youth. But do we really need another dumbed-down version of a real life skill? And besides, they couldn’t even use the darn things.
“…Schools didn’t know how to use the machines and weren’t prepared to implement them into the curriculum,” Inspector General James Sullivan said.
Here’s a thought—send those kids out to Starbucks and the like and have them get trained in REAL LIFE and get this…it will cost tax payers NOTHING and the kids get a paycheck. Oh- be still my heart-if that isn’t a win-win situation why you could just thump me over the head with a roll of toilet paper!
If they send me one of those machines, I could probably come up with some more terrific ideas. Lawd knows, it’s going to take much, much more than toilet paper to clean up these messes. (And I’m not talking money.)
But in defense of the schools…it must be tough coming up with bright ideas to tackle these pesky issues. Especially when you’re out of light bulbs.