Yesterday I’m on the phone with Molly’s school. And like usual, I have to scurry back to my room to try to find a quiet place so I don’t sound like a babbling idiot, which I am these last few weeks, but I digress.
The counselor, a very helpful woman, is working on Molly’s schedule. No, I don’t think the advance math class would be a good idea, I say. She IS a very bright girl however….
Molly appears in the room. Her arms are hanging limply by her side, flat affect on her face. She mutters something.
I twist up my face and wave my hand pointing to the phone and then swinging it toward the door. Does that need any interpretation?
I tell the counselor Molly is a very motivated young lady and will….
Molly mutters again…arms still hanging limply by her side. I hear something about “a dang quesadilla” (pronounced “que-sa-dill-a”). EGADS! Is that drool on her chin? Her head continues to just hang there like a ripe fruit just before it falls from the tree.
WHO is this child and where’d they take the one I was just describing?
“Thank you so very much for your help,” I purr. It’s hard to purr when you’re snapping your fingers and swinging your arm but I think I pulled it off.
The phone call ends.
“WHAT was so blasted important?” I roared. Uh-oh. My evil twin was taking over.
Molly’s affect remains the same. “The dang que-sa-dill-a is burning.” Oh no. NOW I get it. This was her Napolean Dynamite imitation.
I run down into the kitchen. Molly follows behind me. Daniel and Caleb are both sitting up at the counter on stools informing me in unison that the “dang que-sa-dill-a” is burning. BILLOWS of smoke are pouring out of the frying pan.
Molly mutters something , “I told you…” but I snap at her to be quiet.
I grab the pan and rush out to the deck. Oh good grief. I hope this doesn’t attract the fire department. And lemme tell you, the pan wasn’t the only thing smoking.
“WHAT”S THE MATTER WITH YOU KIDS?!”
Molly continues in her Napolean imitation, “I moved it off the burner.”
“OKAY! No more Napolean Dynamite in this home! And it’s que-sa-dee-ah from now on,” I snap.
Uh-oh. Who’s looking stupid now?
And the worse part….I think I initiated this nonsense by asking the kids if they wanted a “dang …” oh, you know, for lunch. And then that call interrupted it. I do not handle interruptions as well as I used to.
The smoke from the pan…and my ears…dissipated.
They lost their brain….I lost my temper. I think the score was about even.
Calm now I asked, “Why didn’t you get it out of the pan?”
They all shrugged, blank looks in their eyes. Oh, heaven help me. My mind flashed back to working with middle schoolers. One minute they’re normal human beings….the next….
I couldn’t help but laugh. And then they laughed.
And then we had some (unburned) que-sa-dill-ahs.
Filed under: family life, humor, Just for fun, parenting, The Mother Lode column Tagged: | family life, humor, Mother Lode column, Mother Lode humor, Napoleon Dynamite
