The Mother Lode

Another helpful installment in my series, “Ask The Mother Lode”

Now that I’ve been past the diaper/toddler stage in my parenting journey for many years, I’ll sometimes have younger moms ask me questions on this delightful stage of child development. Let’s look at a few of their inquiries shall we?

Hettie Underwood of LaVergne, TN asks:

Why is it that whenever my child has “poopy” accidents it’s diarrhea?

Boy, I gotta kick this off with such a toughie.   This one stumps even The Mother Lode.  It’s one of those inexplicable laws of nature.  (The other of which is that it’s only when mom has a fresh shirt on will baby barf on you.  If this is a frequent occurrence like it was for me, I recommend overhauling your wardrobe with clothes fashioned from shower curtains.  Granted, you don’t feel as “nice” but clean up’s a snap.)

And another, from a woman we’ll simply call “Emma” given the intimate nature of her question-

Why is that, on the day I’m most exhausted  is the day that my hubby will step into our bedroom and ask….”Should I lock the door honey?”

You could recommend your hubby get a concubine (it IS in the Bible) but I’m not so sure this is a good idea.  (Think of Sarah.)  But I *think* the real problem here is the fact that mom is exhausted MOST days.  I could never figure out how to mitigate the exhaustion so I’m afraid you’re on your own here.

Melissa Schnazleworth of CT asks:

If evolution is true, shouldn’t young moms have 6 arms and 3 sets of eyes?

Yes.  That was easy.  Next question?

Amy Butzlauff of Bad Axe, MI asks two questions-

Will allowing my child to watch 4 hours of PBS kids rot their brains out?

No.  I speak from experience and to this date their brains are still intact.  I think.

And speaking of PBS- Is Barney of the Devil?

Does Barney allow mom to get a little peace and quiet?  I rest my case.

And from across the pond, Sara from South End on the Sea, England

My baby’s binky/paci/soother dropped on the floor…should I sterilize it?

This depends on how many children you have.  If it’s your first child, of course you should sterilize it.  Number two child?  Check for any lint and pick it off….number three….pop it in your own mouth to clean it off….four….well, I’m not even going there.  I’ve heard things…..

Sally from Butte, MT (That’s NOT pronounce, “Butt” people!)

I swore I’d never use a dishrag  to wipe off my child’s face but I’ve compromised.  Will my child get a strange infection on their face from kitchen bacteria?

I don’t think so.

Shannon Starlight (C’mon is that your REAL name?), CA (Ah! That explains it.)

A lot of people, strangers even, will often tell me to Enjoy them while they’re little. This is usually spoken to me as I’m leaving Wal Mart with a car seat in one hand, groceries in the other, my toddler hanging on to my jeans and my newborn hanging off my chest.  How should I respond?

In cases like this….you have my blessings to give ‘em a haymaker.  That is, if you can find a free limb. If not,  you have my permission to ask if they’d like to share your joy and help you out to your flippin’ mini van.  (There’s a reason Honda calls their mini-van an Odyssey.)

I do hope you’ve found this little Q & A chat.  Keep those questions coming!

The truth is that having toddlers is hard, hard work.  And I believe that there is a sort of amnesia that we parents experience which is why we continue to have the little darlings.

Keep the coffee brewing and a sense of humor handy and trust me….one day you’ll actually have time to yourself once again. It’s a fuzzy memory, I know.  You may even be able to sit at your computer and compose rambling blog entries….

Filed under: family life, humor, parenting, The Mother Lode column Tagged: | family life, Mother Lode humor, The Mother Lode, toddlers