When I headed into the YMCA the other day I was ambushed by a ninja looking chick. She was dressed in black from head to toe and had a blond pony tail pulled through her cap and looked incredibly firm and agile.
“Would you like to try a boot camp demo?” she asked. Behind her, I saw there was another similarly dressed man (minus the pony tail) doing arm curls with a VW Bug. He was barking at a well-nourished middle-aged woman who had collapsed on the pavement and was sobbing. “Gimme FIFTEEN more push ups lady! You didn’t think I was paying attention, did you?!”
A couple of college kids, who also looked very firm, were huffing and puffing around what looked to be a trebouchet and I was wondering if they were getting ready to launch off somewhere.
I regarded Miss Pony Tail and adjusted my Wal Mart bag which contained my swimsuit. And a baby Snickers. Lap swimming can be exhausting. I said, “How about the ‘camp’ part? Can I just do that?”
“You should give it a try!” she offered. Her pony tail swung when she spoke. I hate that.
I replied, “When you have a ‘slipper’ camp….gimme a call. Until then, I’ll just stick with my laps, thanks.”
She tossed her pony tail back and hopped over to a yoga-mat-toting potential victim participant.
My days of boot camp, step aerobics, “power pump” and long distance running have been over for some time.
I had a friend recently invite me to a “Zumba” class (“Zumba”- from the ancient Mayan language which, as best as linguists can tell, means…”Can’t get out of bed in the morning.”)
I was actually considering attending, when, I swear I’m not making this up, her daughter sent me a chilling warning. “Don’t go Theresa! My sister went and it made her cry!”
This is a conundrum for me. I love exercise….love being in shape. But my range of choices keep shrinking with each year that passes.
Which is why I’m excited to announce a new workout routine that’s bound to bring new hope and health to the physically unfit. I’m calling it, “The Mother Lode’s Kick Butt Workout”…so called because you’ll kick yourself in the butt for not trying this sooner.
Daniel will be my technical director and then… watch out You Tube! I’ll keep you posted on this exciting new development.
In the meanwhile, if you’re heading to the Y anytime soon, I’d approach that building very carefully if I were you.
Filed under: humor, Just for fun, The Mother Lode column Tagged: | fitness, humor, Mother Lode column, Mother Lode humor, YMCA
