It is 9:00am on a typical weekend day in the Lode home. We need to leave by 9:45am.
I make The Announcement. “It is 9:00. The bus is leaving in 45 minutes promptly!”
Molly gives me a disinterested glance from behind her book. She cozily snuggled under a pile of blankets on the couch.
Caleb, flashes me the frosty eye from his Xbox.
Daniel? “MOM! Listen to this new dial tone I created by soldering this circuit to this circuit.” He’s popped in briefly from his lair to share his latest idea.
Jay needs just “another minute” on the computer.
Let’s see. We’ll need a snack for later. A book to read; we’ve got a bit of a drive. Speaking of books, maybe we should swing through the library and drop off the books that are due in a few days. And while we’re in the neighborhood, I should….
9:30am…
“We’re leaving in 15 minutes everyone! Jay? JAY?”
“Uh, yeah…just a minute…”
“Would you please check and see if Caleb still has a pulse? And while you’re at it, unplug the Xbox.”
Molly is still reading. I realize that I’m feeling VERY crabby because the telephone has been incessantly ringing from Daniel’s room. He’s experimenting with ring tones.
9:40am…
I do the key jingling thing that my mom always used to do. “I’ll be in the van! Don’t hurry.”
“But, BUT…my shoes are wet!” “Mom have you washed any of my socks?”
“Lemme just finish this…”
9:47…
I have screeched, prodded, threatened and beaten everyone out to the van. Wet shoes and all.
I gather up my purse and my book.
Oh wait. Daniel left his light on. And then I spy the unlocked back door. Is the coffee pot off? And oh shoot, Caleb didn’t start the dishwasher like he was supposed to and we won’t have any clean bowls for soup later this afternoon…. And doggone it…where is that other book???
The phone rings. I glance at the Caller ID. Call back, honey! It’s one of the kid’s friends.
9:55…
Good thing I know to pad my time estimates. Closing the door behind me takes a feat of balance and dexterity worthy of an Olympic Gold, considering the load I’m carrying.
I stumble out to the van, two go mugs, a book bag over one shoulder, my gaping purse threatening spilling its guts when I lean over to pick up a tissue someone dropped on the sidewalk.
I collapse in the van. Jay is serenely filing a fingernail. Molly and Caleb are chattering about something. On the radio, Brad Paisley is singing “Waiting on a Woman.” If I ever, ever meet that man…I’m going to smack him….
And Daniel, who is lacing up his size 11’s in the aisle, asks,
What took you so long, Mom?
Filed under: humor, Just for fun, parenting, The Mother Lode column Tagged: | humor, Mother Lode humor, Waiting on a Woman
My mom used to just drive away at the appointed time. She was never late, and we never were more than twice. I can’t say I recommend the method, but – I tell you! – I learned to be early for everything that way.
Time – there’s now and not now;-)
sounds exactly like my house.
Jay
Hey, you leave Brad Paisley out of it. He’s a great singer! If you smack him, well..hard to say what I will do to you…ha ha…..
Rezgirl- Oooooooh…..I’m quivering…..hahahahaha (If I run into Brad while I’m out and about I’ll say hi for you.)
OMK- I was raised that if I wasn’t early by at least 10 minutes, I was late. Hubby was raised in a home…ahem…less concerned…. We’ve learned to cooperate with the clash of our two worlds….somewhat, anyway.
Jay….comforting to know we’re not alone, eh? Thanks for commenting!
Your stories are delightful, but you need someone to glance at them first to be sure that your punctuation works. Where’s the question mark after “Is the coffee pot off?” Lapses like these create a ‘fingernail on the chalkboard’ effect. It cuts off the laughter, at least for this uptight reader. Use the grammar feature of your word processing program.
Thank you for commenting, Glennis….yes….sometimes those slip past me and my proofreader…
And I understand….typos and faux paus drive me crazy…especially in my own work. I’ll go add that question mark now.