48Days | The Mother Lode

Coming full circle

Posted on December 1, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Today’s our last day in Cottonwood. This has not been an easy process to walk through. Those who know me understand I could lead a full and rich life if I never personally experienced another snowflake in my life.

But my friend Dan Miller wrote a post the other day that really spoke to my heart. Here’s part of it:

“If you ask people to imagine winning the lottery,” Dr. Gilbert says, “they typically talk about the things they would do — ‘I’d go to Italy, I’d buy a boat, I’d lay on the beach’ — and they rarely mention the things they would think. But our data suggest that the location of the body is much less important than the location of the mind, and that the former has surprisingly little influence on the latter. The heart goes where the head takes it, and neither cares much about the whereabouts of the feet.”

How many different ways have we been reminded that “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Watch where your head takes your heart today.

So here’s what I’m thinking. This is a great adventure and I look forward to rekindling the wonderful friendships I have enjoyed over many years. I’m delighted to be closer to family; none of us are getting any younger, ya know.

And oooooh. Those Sweet Grass bakery whole wheat Cinnamon rolls. (Panera Bread holds NOTHING over this little hippie bakery.) I’m coming baby!

Filed under: 48Days, Musings, Personal notes | Tagged: Cottonwood AZ, Helena MT, Sweetgrass Bakery | Leave a Comment »

“I hate my job”

Posted on April 8, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Let’s see if I can get a little something posted on my blog today. The kids have been on spring break and my days are not my own. (Read: I can’t get a thing done!)

Today, I brought Molly to hell’s vestibule: Wal-Mart. She had some birthday money for clothes shopping so off we go.

While I was waiting for her as she tried items on I struck up a conversation with the fellow stationed outside. (“How many items?”) He was probably mid 40′s or so. And he looked bored out of his bald head.

I noticed he was doodling a caricature and it was quite good. I complimented him and his face lit up. What else do you like to draw, I ask.

He smiles and replies, “Oh, just stuff. I hate my job so I like to do this.”

My heart went out to him. But I also wanted to kick him in the butt and tell him to get a life. Like it would do any good.

He told me when he was a kid, he would copy cartoons out of comic books and lose himself in doing so.

“But my mom told me not to waste my life…”

Back to my heart going out to him. So how’s that plan working for ya as you sit here at a job you hate?

I thought of all the kids getting well-meaning but misguided advice and I thought of all the adults slogging away at jobs they hate because they listened to that same misguided advice from 30 years ago.

What a tragedy.

But I also believe it’s never too late. Each day offers new opportunities. But I didn’t think that in this case a recommendation for the book, 48 Days to the Work You Love, by my friend, Dan Miller was going to interest him.

I ask the guy if he’d ever heard of the book, “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.” I love that book not just for the skills you can learn but also the author’s can-do perspective on life.

He takes down the title of the book and I see a different look in his eye. A small glimmer of hope, perhaps?

Will he get the book and reconnect with his childhood passion? I don’t know. And realistically speaking, he likely won’t. Inertia….even at a job you hate, is a powerful thing to overcome. Especially when there are bills to pay.

But I hope he will. Life’s too short to spend it in a job you hate.

“Tell me not in mournful numbers, Life is but an empty dream! For the soul is dead that slumbers, and things are not what they seem. Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal…” A Psalm of Life, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Filed under: 48Days, Goal Setting, Personal development | Tagged: 48 Days, A Psalm of Life, Dan Miller, I hate my job | 2 Comments »

Why I don’t read your blog

Posted on January 27, 2010 by therealmotherlode

(Or why you may not be reading my blog.)

We bloggers can be a sensitive lot. We bear our hearts to the world and wonder if anyone’s listening. We like comments and feel insecure when there are none. (Am I alone in feeling this way?)

I’ve been studying blogs of those I read regularly and asking myself “Why do I keep coming back?” Sometimes those qualities are intangible—I simply like the blog.

I am,however, quite in tune with why I don’t read some blogs. Here’s a few of those reasons.

Sloppy writing. If you want me to spend my time…it’s important that you spend your time on improving your writing. Sentences that are sloppy and bloated are agony to read. I urge you to purchase “On Writing Well” by Williams Zinser. It’s brilliant and will make you a better writer if you pay heed to his teaching.

Unfocused message. I read Seth Godin because I know he’s the marketing guru. I read Dan’s blog because he has his finger on the pulse of industry. I read Wayne Jacobsen because he encourages me in my spiritual journey. I read some of my friends’ blogs because they’re my friends and I enjoy hearing about their lives.

I can be guilty of being unfocused. My mission is simple: Humorous straight talk on learning differences and family life. My audience will forgive a few bunny trails (like this commentary on blogging,) but if I’m constantly straying off topic, my point is lost and I become another unrecognizable tinkling chime in the wind.

It’s too long. This fits hand in glove with sloppy writing. Make your point and move along. Or I’ll move along first. I see that hand…you have a lot to say, you say? You’re probably not focused enough. Remember, this is a blog, not a treatise on health care reform.

Sending me off to read someone else’s stuff. Please. It’s your blog. Don’t send me off to someone else’s blog. Distill what you read on the other blog and tell me what the nuggets were. Sure, post the link. But don’t tell me you’ve got something to say and then let someone else say it.

They forget the What’s in it For Me principal. I’m sorry life is hard right now. Sorry your back hurts. Sorry Aunt Martha was miffed that you didn’t enjoy the fruitcake she gave you last Christmas. And I’m sorry….but I’m not going to read your blog anymore.

First and foremost a blogger must consider the reader. They are the reason we write. If you’re going to tell me about Aunt Martha- make me laugh or inspire me with how it resolved happily.

Lighten my load today. Inspire me. Invite me into your kitchen for a cozy cup of coffee. Give me a tip that will help me with my computer glitches. Help me with my weight loss goals.

Compel me to keep reading…

What about you? Why brings you back to a particular blog?

Filed under: 48Days, Misc | Tagged: blogging, On Writing Well, writing | 11 Comments »

Are you playing Mother May I?

Posted on December 31, 2009 by therealmotherlode

Certainly you remember the game. Kids line up abreast and then each take turns asking “Mother, may I take a step forward?” Or “Mother may I take a flying leap?”

And then “mother” would grant permission. (Or not.) The winner would get to be the mother. Being the mother (and wielding control over one’s peers,) was a heady position.

As I think about the New Year, now hours away, I think about how many of us adults are still playing that goofy game.

This occurred to me in, of all places, the book On Writing Well by William Zinsser. In a chapter on memoirs, the author shared how he had encouraged a friend to write his life’s story. The friend, in his sixties, had been reluctant to do so as he had spent his life writing for others. Writing what others thought he needed to write. Writing for his editors. Or in his earlier days, his teachers. “I was afraid to try,” or “I never had the nerve before,” was his refrain.

Zinsser prodded and encouraged him. But it wasn’t until he engaged in Mother May I that his friend proceeded to write some the best work of his life. Zinsser had given his friend permission. Here’s what he said regarding that:

“What we’re all looking for –what we want to see pop out of your papers–is individuality. We’re looking for whatever it is that makes you unique…..They can’t. They don’t think they have permission. I think thy get that permission by being born.” (Emphasis mine.)

From the time we’re told to raise our hand in grade school, to life in cubicle America, we’ve been well trained in Mother May I. (And Lord knows some of the “mothers” out there are a pain to work for.)

I’ve played it plenty myself. And I know I’m not alone. I’ve heard my friend Chris Davis, my homeschooling mentor, talk about how moms would ask his permission to homeschool their child in a certain way. (One they knew would benefit their child but it was “out of the box.”) Or ditto for career coach, Dan Miller. In his podcast, I’ve heard more than one 40, 50, or 60-something year old ask permission to pursue their dreams.

We spend our time waiting for validation from someone or something. Waiting for the stars to align. Waiting for a certain life stage to end or begin. Waiting to get out of debt. And while we’re waiting the present moment is escaping into the past. It’s all a great big game we play….but there’s no winner.

What is it that you’d like do in 2010? Write a book? Hike the Applachian Trail? Attend a marriage retreat to strengthen your relationship with your spouse? Find another job? Move to a warmer climate?

As the turn of events of this past month have reminded me: Life is short. And the only day you have is today.

What are your dreams and passions? Leave the games behind, live in the moment and move forward in your journey. You know you can.

And yes, you may.

Filed under: 48Days, Goal Setting, Individuality, Personal development | Tagged: Chris Davis, Dan Miller, Mother May I, On Writing Well, William Zinsser | 3 Comments »

Meet Captain Jim Steele

Posted on October 6, 2009 by therealmotherlode

This is another installment of “Snapshots Across America” which features a few of the people I meet in my journey. The treasure I find in others never ceases to amaze me.

If you live in the Nashville area, you owe it to yourself to check out a Blue Heron cruise.

The 40’ pontoon boat, based out of Ashland City, TN, cruises the Cumberland River offering nature cruises, kid events or private parties.

The cruise is great—-relaxing and scenic. But one of our favorite things about the cruise is the Captain.

We had our first Blue Heron cruise a few years ago. We were lured by the inexpensive cost—less than ten bucks/person for 2 hours of cruises. And I had a coupon too. We arrived as the earlier cruise was ending.

If a pontoon boat can smile, that’s what the Blue Heron looked like as it motored up to the dock. Or was it the smiles of the passengers? Is THAT the Captain? I wondered.

Meet Captain Jim

Sporting an Einstein-ish shock of gray hair and bare feet….this was not like the Captain dudes in the slick literature for the Nashville General Jackson cruises.

We observed the passengers debarking, many laughing….all smiling.

We found ourselves smiling in anticipation.

As we climbed on board, I realized this was not the Queen Elizabeth. Folding chairs….peanut shells here and there….children’s toys scattered about. Sort of like my living room, minus the compunction to clean up.

A bucketful of fun is on every cruise

Cap’t Jim started tidying up and welcomed us to the next cruise. The kids explored the kid things…fishing nets, balloons, water guns. And of course they spied the munchies….sodas and crackers and chips. It was clear this guy understands what kids like. Probably, as we were to discover….Captain Jim is still very much a kid at heart himself.

We’ve had the joy of cruising the Cumberland with Captain Jim for over a few years now. While the scenery is beautiful it’s Captain Jim that keeps us coming back. The guy isn’t the life of the party….he IS the party.

If there are kids on boards, he may instigate a marshmallow war. Or pass out balloons like he did yesterday….and soon the sound of squeaking filled the air as hands were busy twisting the balloons into shapes.

Or perhaps he’ll pull a child aside to conspire with a trick (like a corny magic trick with a balloon and a fan.)

Troubles never far away...like this dramatic balloon war

But l don’t want to leave the impression that the Captain Jim is one big yuck-yuck after another. He takes the safety of the boat and his passengers seriously. And his skill in handling people is something the world could use more of.

Perhaps rather, it isn’t his skill per se, but rather his heart for people.

Captain Jim is one of the most generous people I’ve ever met. He’ll empty out the tip jar for Daniel when he’s helped on the cruise. When I told him about my friend and her husband (who has Alzheimer’s), he whipped out coupons for a free cruise.

Cap't Jim knows how to engage young and old alike

Then there’s the unemployed financial industry worker who showed up on a cruise one summer. Even though Jim can easily manage the duties of a cruise, he had this fellow “help out” during the summer. (“He’s in between his fortunes right now,” he told us.)

He told me about the autistic young man who’s been coming weekly. (“I think his verbal skills are improving.”) I suspect that like us, this man’s caretaker know Blue Heron offers more than sightseeing.

Jim found his passion for sailing later in life….when he was in his late-thirties. And now the 50-something year old can’t see himself doing anything else in life. (Indeed, it’s pretty tough to imagine this guy in an office.) He could be a success story for Dan Miller’s 48 Days to the Work You Love.

But don’t let his laid back manner fool you either….this guy is no dummy. He can go from shooting a marshmallow into the back of a kid’s head to discussing Dante. Well, actually, he confessed he couldn’t quite get through Dante but he did read a version of it.

I’ve found it fascinating to watch the interaction of people on the boat. (Especially parents with children.) You can actually watch people relax. Folks who board the boat strangers will leave friends. (Perhaps Jim should get some of those politicians on a cruise, eh?)

Captain Jim is a living example of one of my favorite quotes:

“20 Years from now you will regret more the things you didn’t do then the things you did. So cast off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the tradewinds in your sails. Dream, explore, discover” — Mark Twain

Cruising the Cumberland on the Blue Heron

He also reminds me that by living with purpose in whatever your calling may be…you can impact the world one person at a time.

Filed under: 48Days, Snapshots Across America | Tagged: Blue Heron Cruises, Captain Jim Steele, Cumberland River, Pontoon boat cruise, Snapshops Across America | 2 Comments »

Confessions of a curmudgeon

Posted on September 8, 2009 by therealmotherlode

Yeah…I admit it. I can be a curmudgeon. A Kill Joy.

Sometimes I just call it being a careful mom. Or a realist. No sirree, Bob….no one can accuse this girl of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses or a Salvador Dali lens!

“Be Careful!”

“You’d better not!”

“You don’t know what may happen!”

Or one of my more cerebral admonishments…“Did you research that first?” (I mean, God forbid we buy something with out consulting Consumer Reports, right?)

Truth is, fear is driving far too many things that come out of my mouth and heart. Not where I want to live. Nor do I want my kids second guessing piddly decisions like I often do.

My friend Dan Miller wrote a brilliant piece on his blog about fear. You may read it here. One little nugget he writes: Fear masks our ability to see the positive.

I have to be very intentional about telling my inner curmudgeon to shut up and take a hike. (But I might trip and fall, its little voice whines….) And of course, some days this is a bit more of challenge than others.

But I think its a key to learning to live loved. The opposite of love isn’t hate…it is fear. This works not only on my relationship with God but how I relate to my kids.

Powerful stuff all the way around.

theresa_sig

Filed under: 48Days, Personal development, Spirituality, Stress and worry, The God Journey | 2 Comments »

Can’t find a job? Sue your college!

Posted on August 3, 2009 by therealmotherlode

And this one under the “Only in America’ files….Woman sues college because she can’t find a job after graduating in April. And as she’s feeling the hot breath of her 70K student loans breathing down her neck, she is suing her Alma Mater because “They have not tried hard enough to help me”. Read about it here.

This is so bodacious on so many levels….where do I begin?

I’m resisting the urge to say “Wah, wah” (oops, I said it, didn’t I?) That wouldn’t be very helpful.

I’m reminded of John Taylor Gatto’s observation of our educational system. He contends there is a crisis of irrelevancy; this story underscores it.

This young lady, obviously no dummy to have slogged through four years of college. (Though I realize even that could be up for debate given some twaddle that’s peddled in four-year degree programs.) But the fact that this gal has matriculated through four years of university and doesn’t “get” some fundamental principals of life (one being, the world doesn’t owe you a living, honey) is a travesty.

I feel pity….and fear….when I think of the untold millions that process through the halls of academia thinking the brass ring awaits them after they receive their degrees. The old cow paths of “Get good grades/get a good job” simply doesn’t work anymore. (There’s that irrelevancy thing again.)

And I shudder when I see the increasing numbers of people who dwell in the victim mode. Since when does this school need to give a (warning: strong language coming) tinker’s dam about her career? And 70K in student loan debt?! I have to pause to try to get my mind of the incredible irresponsibility of the loan programs that set such a trap. (Gee, sort of reminds me of the mortgage meltdown.) But that aside, I’m sure no one held a gun to her head when she accepted the loans.

Give me a kid with some horse sense about debt, hard work, self awareness and responsibility and I’ll show you a kid who will wildly succeed–with or without a college education. Sadly, that is becoming harder and harder to find as our country races down the path to socialism with the multitudes screaming, “Take care of me!” and “It’s not MY fault!”

For this gal, I can only hope that someone reaches her with some common sense. And maybe a copy of Dan Miller’s book.

theresa_sig

Filed under: 48Days, Current events, education, Personal development, Public school incidents, Public schooling | Leave a Comment »

“That child needs to be in school….” another thought

Posted on June 9, 2009 by therealmotherlode

Indeed, Daniel's heart is singing...

I wanted to add a comment that my friend, Dan Miller made over at my blog at 48days.net. Over the years he has helped many, many people find work that they love through his career coaching and best selling books. I love Dan’s perspective here:

Theresa – I’m delighted to read about Daniel’s adventures there at Camp Buckeye. What a great example of the uniqueness he brings to the world. While other kids his age are struggling to get a book understanding of physics Daniel just goes ahead and builds something that demonstrates the principles. He has such a natural draw to things that make his heart sing. When I ask most adults what makes their heart sing, they pause longingly hoping anything will come to mind.

And as a Post Script to this….last night Daniel was still going strong at 9:00pm. “I just want to get these outlets finished,” he said. He asked me why on earth would I want to quit to just go sit down?

I talked him in to knocking off offering him a reminder that the next day would bring plenty of new opportunities.

Oh! To see more people live with such focus and passion!

Filed under: 48Days, ADD/ADHD, family life, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, Personal development | Tagged: "Should I put my child in school", 48Days.com. 48Days.net, ADHD, learning diferences | 1 Comment »

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Coming full circle

“I hate my job”

Why I don’t read your blog

Are you playing Mother May I?

Meet Captain Jim Steele

Confessions of a curmudgeon

Can’t find a job? Sue your college!

“That child needs to be in school….” another thought

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