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    theresa


    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

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Is “I hate school” training for “I hate my job?”

Posted on May 9, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Do you know someone who hates their job?   You probably do.  I spoke with one over the weekend.  My young friend, a college graduate, hates her job.  At 25, she feels trapped and overwhelmed.  But yet she trudges off to her job to earn her very modest income because she has student loan debt.  Her dreams will have to be put on hold.  That is, if she can keep them alive. She comes home from her job each day so exhausted, she has no energy to look for other opportunities.  Or to create one for that matter.

Yes, these are difficult times in the job market.  And many would commend her for sticking it out.

I’m not one of them.

I encouraged her to run for her life.  Literally.

I meet too many people who started out like my young friend, 20-some years ago and today they are passed even feeling trapped.  They’re shut down inside and can’t figure out why they’re so unhappy with their lives.  They molder at jobs they despise and bosses they barely tolerate.

We are so trained in our culture to “do the responsible thing,” yes, even if it means a stress-related illness.  “Be thankful you have a job,” we tell people.  Hey- I get that.  We were unemployed for six months last year!

But there’s something seriously wrong with this picture.  Especially when we no longer question the insanity of this all-too-accepted reality.

This isn’t an easy road to follow.  Mother Superior from The Sound of Music isn’t going to appear and serenade you with her soul-stirring rendition of “Climb Every Mountain.”  It takes intentionality and a lot of work.

Like the frog in the pot of hot water, people are trained to grow accustomed to their misery.

I believe the training starts in school.

Filed under: education, Goal Setting, Personal development, Public schooling, The Mother Lode Project | Leave a Comment »

Managing ADD/ADHD in the home

Posted on February 9, 2011 by therealmotherlode

“You run our family like a business,” my son told me yesterday.  He gestured to the large white board we have mounted on the wall.

It was a compliment to me but I know he wasn’t saying it with appreciation.

But it’s part of effort to keep disorganization and Shiny Object Syndrome (SOS) at bay in our home.   So  here’s just a few things I’ve found to help manage ADD in our home.

Use a white board. I use it to write down goals and their rewards.  Hubby Jay and I also use it to brainstorm ideas and family topics we need to address.  There’s something about having these things writ large in bright blue marker that turns all those bunny trails turn into a map.

Pick your battles. I could give a flying fig if my ADHD’er has nice handwriting.  Unless your child has a future as a call to handwrite sacred documents like a Middle Ages Monk, I see little reason to get all worked up over this.  Ditto for keeping his room clean.  I shut his door and pray for his future wife.  I have other issues that are more important for me on which to spend my energy.

Accept their limitations. I want to scream and pull my hair out every time I hear a mom lament their child’s lagging progress in any give area.  Are YOU a good bookkeeper?  Can YOU sing well?   Do YOU know how to fix a car?  I’m sure you answered “no” to at least one of those things.  And I bet you don’t lie awake thinking about how “behind” you are.

Instead of insisting your kid has beautiful handwriting or shoes lined up neatly under his bed…why not focus on developing his wild creativity? (BTW- Creativity is spelled: M-E-S-S.) Or help him put legs on an idea to turn it into a business.  (Entrepreneurship is a FABULOUS option for ADHD’ers.)

Show them options. My boy has the drive and brains of an entrepreneur.  But good business management is not one of his strengths.  I tell him, without condemnation, that he will need to have someone who IS good at business management help that side of his business.

Laugh. You will several years down the road looking back at these crazy days…why not do it now?

Q4U:  How do you manage ADD/ADHD in your home?

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, family life, Free Range Education, Goal Setting, parenting, The Mother Lode Project | 3 Comments »

Save money- Skip college!

Posted on August 17, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Congratulations, America!  Credit card debt has now been exceeded by student loan debt.

Certainly you know a college grad or two flipping burgers while trying to service their Whopper (har) of a student loan. (Average student loan debt is now over 30K, btw.)  Can someone spell “Indentured Servitude?”   Or how about the many who have student loans but never graduated?

And speaking of those who never graduate.  Here’s a statistic that I’ve never seen heralded:  According to the National Department of Education, college freshmen who graduated in the bottom 40 percent of their high schools, 76% will NOT earn a diploma…even if given 8 1/2 years. ($!)

But yet we continue down the same ole cattle paths.  Parents still want their kids to get a college education come hell or high water.  (And it sickens me when I hear of parents jeopardizing their financial futures to use their home equity or IRA’s to help fund their kids out-of-control college costs.)

The greatest gift a parent can give their child is the opportunity to explore their giftings and talents and from there, develop a clear plan of action which may or may not include college. This could come in the form of a “gap” year or two after high school or finding opportunities so they can job shadow prospective careers.

It’s also high time that apprenticeships get the attention they deserve. They are a brilliant option for many kids. (My hairdresser friend Kent put it so well when he talked of apprenticing his daughter in the profession.  She could spend thousands of dollars going to school or she can take a longer apprenticeship route, earn while she learns…and come out with a clientele when she’s finished.   And no student loan debt.

It is incumbent upon parents and universities to look at the new realities and speak the truth accordingly to our kids. Scary?  Yes.  But not as much as a 100K student loan repayment plan on a 25K/year salary. Just read some of the heart breaking comments on those articles I referenced.

Filed under: College education, education, Goal Setting, Public schooling | 1 Comment »

A powerful statement

Posted on August 10, 2010 by therealmotherlode

This statement will either empower or frighten you:

You have a choice.

The power of it is in realizing that yes, I can make positive choices.  Yes, I can effect change in my life.  I can lose weight, gain a more positive outlook in life and cultivate my creativity.  And while I may need the help of friends and mentors, this is a rather lonely process at times.  Contrary to Obama’s, there’s no “we” when it comes to an individual’s decisions to make a choice. It is Yes, I can.

The scary part is the realization that along with that choice, I must accept the responsibility.  I must admit that where I am at today, barring circumstances beyond my control, is a result of the choices I made yesterday.  And last year.  And yes, even from many years ago when I made a stupid driving decision- the scars remind me of that every day.

Choosing to accept responsibility in making choices silences the whiny victim within me  just waiting to pass the buck onto another person or circumstance or…(gasp)…to blame God.

I often don’t take time to consider that powerful statement.  Ironically, the most important time to consider it is usually at the most inopportune time.  Like when I chose to lose my temper with the kids.  Or snarf down the newly discovered double chocolate donut from the Mexican grocery store after whining about my fat butt.

I’m thinking “You Have a Choice” might be a good statement to hang in a prominent place.   Maybe even dangle it from the front of my glasses for when I see those donuts.

Filed under: Goal Setting, Musings, Personal development, Stress and worry | Leave a Comment »

It’s either THIS or THAT

Posted on July 18, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Seth Godin’s recent blog entry puzzled me for awhile.  It simply read: The only possible response….isn’t.

Huh?  I took another swig of my coffee.  The only possible response isn’t….WHAT?  How dare this brilliant writing leave me hanging on…on….a linking verb!  We all know a linking verb needs to be linked to a noun. Then I GOT it.  Do you need a little help?

The only possible response….isn’t the ONLY POSSIBLE RESPONSE.  Or in the words of that sage, Captain Jean Luc Picard, “There’s always options, Number One!”

If there is a challenge I face in my life on a regular basis, it’s learning that there are many options out there.  My knee jerk reaction is to reduce decisions or perspectives to an EITHER/OR proposition.  Or a black and white THIS or THAT.

The older I get the more I realize that things are not as cut and dried as they often appear.  And by allowing myself to be trapped into such fatal thinking, I can shut out opportunities.  (Not the least of which is the joy found in discovering and being empowered by options that may not appear front and center at first. )

I’m learning slowly to find options instead of painting myself into a corner.  But it takes WORK.

The next time you find yourself saying, “The only possible solution/option/outcome is….”  Stop right there and dig a little deeper for new solutions.  I’m confident that as you and I exercise some of our God-given creativity, we’ll find new options.  And new opportunities.

And it makes life a whole lot more fun too!

PS Reducing educational options into an either/or decision is a real fast track to burnout and discouragement.

Filed under: education, Goal Setting, Individuality, Musings | 2 Comments »

Better than a diploma?

Posted on June 22, 2010 by therealmotherlode

The diploma is heralded as a rite of passage in our culture.  It says “I completed four years of school!”  For those who excelled academically, doors to higher education will be opened.

But for many kids, a diploma is irrelevant.  It says “I warmed a chair and regurgitated information for four years.”  (Or in my case, three.  I could hardly wait to get out of there and get on with what I wanted to learn.)

What if we sent out young adults off into the real world using a different measure?  What if instead of a diploma, we sent kids out with a deep sense of their giftings and a sense of who they are?

What if we sent them out with boots-on-the-ground, money-making  skills and the good sense to know that to make a lot of money, you start out making a little. And you work hard to get there.

What if creativity and problem solving were deemed as important as algebra and kids were graded on their questions and not the right answers?

I think of these things when I see the bored faces and dulled eyes of young people punching time clocks at jobs they hate. What a terrible waste of our greatest resource.

And I know there are no easy answers for complicated social ills.  But I wonder still…

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, College education, education, Goal Setting, homeschooling, Individuality, Personal development, Public schooling | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Even the rocks will cry out

Posted on June 20, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Our Arizona announcement has left more than one person scratching their head. You don’t have a job? What about a place to live? ( Like this is the first time we’ve bewildered people.  Ha!)

The concern in their eyes is clear.  And the bigger question, What? Are you nuts? politely remains unasked.  (Many times that is the very question tossing about in my head.)

Seth Godin echoed many of my recent musing in his brilliant post entitled Amplifying the Lizard Brain.  (Funny how often his blog is so timely in our lives.)

We humans are a fearful lot and we have to be intentional about quieting the voices of doubt and fear because they are many…..and they are everywhere.

“Nine out of ten times,” I opined to Jay, “People will have a negative reaction to any plans that are unconventional.”  I wasn’t bashing anyone…we have wonderful supportive friends and family.  But it is human nature to raise an eyebrow when you speak your crazy dreams aloud.

A few hours later, we were in a delightful shop, Birds and Beasleys in Helena.  Wandering about, I lingered over a bin of engraved stones.  And one caught my eye.  Between the rock that said “love” and the one that said “believe” there was one I’d never seen before.  Rather unconventional, I thought; I showed it to Jay.  It said:

Nine out of ten times

This rock may not have been crying out….but it did whisper strength to my soul.

Sail on, nor fear to breast the sea
Our hearts, our hopes, are all with thee,
Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears,
Our faith triumphant o’er our fears,
Are all with thee,–are all with thee!

From The Building of the Ship by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Filed under: Goal Setting, parenting, Personal development, Personal notes, Stress and worry | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

A few things I learned from Sam Horn

Posted on April 21, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Sam gave generously of her time when I simply asked for "Two minutes."

I love a good teacher.  And I’ve found that many times the topic of a well-taught lesson applies not only to the subject matter at hand….but also to life.   Take for instance these take aways from the round table discussion led by Sam Horn at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop I attended this past weekend.

While Sam’s topic was on launching your public speaking career, I found they were also applicable to life.  Consider a few of her talking points:

PURPOSEFUL- What is your mission?  What do you want people to do after hearing from you or reading your stuff?

Have you ever been bored by a speaker who was a wandering generality?  Ugh!  But how about those who wander through life aimlessly?  I’m not talking about climbing the corporate ladder or goals as the world defines.  But rather for one to be in touch with one’s self and finding a rich and satisfying life, whatever that may be.

ORIGINAL- Sam mentioned Lynne Truss, that British Grammar Stickler who made English grammar a hip subject.  My thoughts- Conformity is a big thing in our culture; what a tragedy!  Whatever you are, be the best one you can be, Abraham Lincoln said.

PITHY- Isn’t that a delightful word? For speakers this means…make a long story short. I have a good friend who says, “I never say in a sentence what I can say in a paragraph.”  That’s delightful over a cup of coffee with girlfriends, but she knows that can be death to a speaking career.  To use one of my favorite quotes by William Strunk, “Omit needless words.”  Life application?  I think this can only come with an awareness of one’s self.  I absolutely believe however that every person has a tremendous something to bring to the world around them.

And there you have the title of her book: POP! Even if you’re not looking to launch a speaking career like I am, you’ll find her message relevant to helping you develop better business practices or provide great food for thought.

On that note….I will be guest on Deb Ingino’s My Wired Style teleseminar on April 29.  I would be delighted if you join us.  The details are in the side bar to the right but here they are here also:

EVENT: Theresa Lode – The Mother Lode- Special Broadcast DATE & TIME: Thursday, April 29th at 9:00pm Eastern FORMAT: Simulcast! (Attend via Phone or Webcast — it’s your choice)   TO ATTEND THIS EVENT, CLICK THIS LINK NOW… http://AttendThisEvent.com/?eventid=12477621 or To listen in by phone dial 631-478-6242 and enter code 549582#

Filed under: education, Goal Setting, Individuality, Marketing, Personal development, writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

“I hate my job”

Posted on April 8, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Let’s see if I can get a little something posted on my blog today.  The kids have been on spring break and my days are not my own.  (Read: I can’t get a thing done!)

Today, I brought Molly to hell’s vestibule: Wal-Mart.  She had some birthday money for clothes shopping so off we go.

While I was waiting for her as she tried items on I struck up a conversation with the fellow stationed outside.  (“How many items?”)  He was probably mid 40′s or so.  And he looked bored out of his bald head.

I noticed he was doodling a caricature and it was quite good.  I complimented him and his face lit up.  What else do you like to draw, I ask.

He smiles and replies, “Oh, just stuff.  I hate my job so I like to do this.”

My heart went out to him.  But I also wanted to kick him in the butt and tell him to get a life.  Like it would do any good.

He told me when he was a kid, he would copy cartoons out of comic books and lose himself in doing so.

“But my mom told me not to waste my life…”

Back to my heart going out to him.  So how’s that plan working for ya as you sit here at a job you hate?

I thought of all the kids getting well-meaning but misguided advice and I thought of all the adults slogging away at jobs they hate because they listened to that same misguided advice from 30 years ago.

What a tragedy.

But I also believe it’s never too late.  Each day offers new opportunities.  But I didn’t think that in this case a recommendation for the book, 48 Days to the Work You Love, by my friend, Dan Miller was going to interest him.

I ask the guy if he’d ever heard of the book, “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.”  I love that book not just for the skills you can learn but also the author’s can-do perspective on life.

He takes down the title of the book and I see a different look in his eye.  A small glimmer of hope, perhaps?

Will he get the book and reconnect with his childhood passion?  I don’t know.  And realistically speaking, he likely won’t.  Inertia….even at a job you hate, is a powerful thing to overcome.  Especially when there are bills to pay.

But I hope he will. Life’s too short to spend it in a job you hate.

“Tell me not in mournful numbers, Life is but an empty dream! For the soul is dead that slumbers, and things are not what they seem.  Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal…” A Psalm of Life,  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Filed under: 48Days, Goal Setting, Personal development | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

The heckler

Posted on March 1, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Sometimes I wish I was more of a feel good writer, a Chicken Soup for the Soul sort of gal.  But because the topics I write on can be quite emotional, (namely the educational system and learning differences,) I occasionally draw fire.

I see it happen with other writers I admire when I read flaming comments left on blogs, snarky replies, etc.  (The worst, IMHO are the religious critics.)

But still- I ask myself is there is validity to a criticism? I don’t know everything after all.  Or perhaps it helps me understand the need to speak with greater clarity.  A muddled thought leaves the reader drawing their own conclusions.

And sometimes….it’s just a heckler.  The nasty fellow at the back of the room.  And I am faced with a choice.  Seth Godin puts it well in Linchpin:

You can spend your time on stage pleasing the heckler in the back, or you can devote it to the audience that came to hear you perform.

That hit me between the eyes.  I can fret way too much over the rare heckler and forget about the moms I seek to encourage.

I do have one regular heckler….a vicious one is she.  I bet you’re acquainted with her too.

It’s the heckler within.

The voice that says, “That’s stupid.” Or “You’ll never amount to anything.”  Or “I’ve been burned before, why on earth would I want to try something new?”

The heckler is afraid of change, afraid of being different.

We’ve been listening to it for so long the passion for life has frittered away.  The heckler tells us we’d better be careful.  And we’re waiting, hoping someone will tell us what to do so we get it right.

So we wait and do nothing.  But there is no one coming and AAA is not sending out roadside assistance either.  In the meanwhile, the heckler will take his seat having accomplished his mission.  (Last one out turn out the lights, please.)

Life’s too short and too precious to try to please the heckler, either real or imagined.

Tell the heckler to take a hike.  There are people that need to hear what’s in your heart.

PS Sometimes the heckler comes dressed as a well meaning- but misguided- friend.  (And no I’m not writing this with someone in mind so quit thinking that. ;) )

Filed under: Goal Setting, Individuality, Personal development, Spirituality | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

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