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    theresa


    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

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Have you fed your amygdala today?

Your what? you say.  The amygdala is the part of your brain that registers fear.  Without it, we’d end up like this woman who lost all sense of fear after a brain injury.

I like what Seth Godin calls the amygdala- the Lizard Brain.  It operates on a primitive level and keeps us from harm, certainly. That’s good.   But it also keeps us bound up and unwilling to change. That’s not good.

Without risk, there is no advancement.  No changes.  No new discoveries.  No deep relationships.  The list is endless.

And as though the amygdala needs any help feeding a steady diet of negativity and fear to control our behavior, there is an abundance of outside voices that will help it as well.  (Remember the black crab story that Kiosaki tells?)

Every time I read a fear-laden email forward about how my mattress is poisoning in my sleep (due to chemicals breaking down,) to a new trend for axe-murderers to pose as kindly grandmas or a news story about how the democrats/republicans are going to….(fill in the blank), I am feeding my amygdala.

One only need look at the preposterous and bodacious actions of the TSA to see how this plays out.

Yes, there are dangers afoot and we need to live intelligently.

But that is pert near impossible if one is too preoccupied (and might I add, pissed off, as that is frequently a fruit of fear,) feeding their amygdala.

Life is a gift…a blessing.  And it’s too short to spend it living in fear.

Coming full circle

Today’s our last day in Cottonwood.   This has not been an easy process to walk through.  Those who know me understand I could lead a full and rich life if I never personally experienced another snowflake in my life.

But my friend Dan Miller wrote a post the other day that really spoke to my heart.  Here’s part of it:

“If you ask people to imagine winning the lottery,” Dr. Gilbert says, “they typically talk about the things they would do — ‘I’d go to Italy, I’d buy a boat, I’d lay on the beach’ — and they rarely mention the things they would think. But our data suggest that the location of the body is much less important than the location of the mind, and that the former has surprisingly little influence on the latter. The heart goes where the head takes it, and neither cares much about the whereabouts of the feet.”

How many different ways have we been reminded that “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  Watch where your head takes your heart today.

So here’s what I’m thinking.  This is a great adventure and I look forward to rekindling the wonderful friendships I have enjoyed over many years.  I’m delighted to be closer to family; none of us are getting any younger, ya know.

And oooooh.  Those Sweet Grass  bakery whole wheat Cinnamon rolls. (Panera Bread holds NOTHING over this little hippie bakery.)   I’m coming baby!

The Road Less Traveled

When I recommended the book, ‘The Art of Nonconformity” to my dear friend the other day, she shrieked.  “No! No! That’s the LAST thing I need.”  Our friends, like us, take the Road Less Traveled more often than not. And they have the battle scars to prove it.

She emailed later.  She had the book on her Amazon list.  But she said given their current difficulties they she should shop for titles, “Live your life in an average and unmentionable way and then die.”

What is it that compels people like them….like me and Jay to do the crazy things we do?  More than once I’ve seen the pleading in the eyes of friends and family- “Why don’t you just settle down?” (Especially when they see the pain our unconventional life brings to us at times. Like ANY life is free from pain, eh?)

Why do we do it?  I think it’s because there is an unquenchable thirst in us for the Road Less Traveled.

These past five years we have:

Cruised the Cumberland River

Spent a summer in Amish country

Reconnected with my family in Detroit

Met some amazing people and formed life-long friendships

Enjoyed early springs where the air is scented with magnolias

Lived in a neighborhood that Mayberry overlooked

(We lived in an RV for summer once too)

Played in the ocean

Traversed back and forth across this amazing country

Explored the Red Rocks of Sedona, Arizona

Eaten Dotson’s chocolate Pie

Raised chickens…and a few ducks too

Hosted “God Journey” events

Tapped our toes to bluegrass music and buck dancing

Did I mention the extraordinary people we’ve met?

I’m not sure what the next five years will hold.  Probably a house renovation.  (Real estate has been good to us in funding our adventures.)  Some travels here and there. Jay will become a stellar tax analyst. And I’ll continue develop my message on “Free Range Education.” (Are ya seeing a theme here?) And we’ll finish raising the kids.

No doubt, Jay and I will cling to each other as we watch out kids launch out into the world.  I suspect that they too may take the Road Less Traveled. Or so I hope.

The school of Wally-World

As a Free Range Educator, I’ve long contended that life is full of learning opportunities.  School is everywhere and there’s not a person on the planet that can’t teach me a thing or two.  (Yes, even the obnoxious person who reminds me of my own weaknesses.)

The clerk at Wal-Mart is just as valuable as a pedigreed professor when one begins to redefine “school.”  I talked about this before in the context of a checker back in Franklin, TN.   I always looked for Greg when I walked into the store.  I would even try to remember what days he worked on because it was a joy to end my shopping ordeal with his warm smile and upbeat attitude.

Yesterday Wal-Mart 101 was in session.  I always scan the line of checkers to see if there’s one that looks like they’re doing a decent job.  Brownie points if they smile.  By the time I make it through Wal-Mart, I feel like one of those hyenas you see in a nature film…feral and snarling and ready for trouble.  Finding a nice checker is not a choice I take lightly.

This is what I look after a shopping trip to Wal-Mart.

Yesterday I chose Brian.  He greeted me with a smile and as he packed my frozen goods into an insulated bag with the skill of a Rubik Cube master I commented, “You missed your calling as an engineer!”

He smiled and paused scanning my groceries.

“I was a commercial airline pilot,”  he stated. Holy crap, I thought as he waved my baked Doritos over the scanner and um, brought it in for a landing into my shopping bag.

“How did you end up in Wal-Mart?” I asked.  I recounted how my CPA husband had applied at Wal-Mart….and was offered an $8/hour position.  (Not exactly the high point of his career.)

I learned he wasn’t laid off; he jumped ship of his own accord.

He moved to little ole Cottonwood, AZ to take care of his ailing mom.  There’s a man with admirable priorities and an understanding of what’s really important in life.

And THAT ladies and gentlemen, is not something you will learn in a classroom.

Advice…or approval?

I’ve been mulling over something for the past few days.  In reading Chris Guillebeau’s “The Art of Non Conformity” he talks about having a “Guru-free philosophy.”  I LOVE that.

Over the years, I’ve had a guru for nearly everything.  Fitness.  God.  Music. Lifestyle. Parenting.  And while there is a place for one to learn from another farther down the road….it is important that their influence is one that encourages you to proceed on your own journey, not mimic theirs.

Human nature being what it is, we become more dependent on OTHERS to do the heavy lifting for us when it comes to decision making and the life we want to lead.   (Religion THRIVES especially well in this dynamic.)

Ask yourself this question the next time you are looking for advice:  are you really looking for approval?

Advice is good given it’s proper place.  I also appreciate friendly assurance once in a while.  But if I’m living on the need for others’ approval, I will never fulfill the desires of my heart or the call on my life.

The cage door is open.  You have permission.  GO!  Home school the way you feel is in the best interests of your child.  Go dance down the street when you walk like this fellow in Brentwood, TN does.  Quit church.  Go to church.  Provided you’re not going to bring harm to yourself or others- Do what’s in your heart and quit looking for approval.

You may just change the world.

Back where it all started

What a whirlwind these past several weeks have been.  An emotional whirlwind I might add.  No longer will I ever look at an unemployed professional with a “Well, just go GET A JOB!!!”  attitude.  As I’m learning in this thing called life, rarely are things as cut and dry as we tend to think.  And a sense of control over our lives, our circumstances, is a fleeting illusion at best.

We’ve done all we could do.  Have prayed, searched, knocked on doors, prayed some more, cried, look some more.  Rinse, lather repeat.

Every job prospect in AZ has ended with shut door.  Even I received a few ding letters.  (Jay and I always joke about how I usually get offered whatever job I interview for.  But of course, what I’m looking for and what he’s looking for are two different things.)

These have been very, very scary days for us watching whats left of of our finances circle the drain, the unemployment pittance ending, and no employment prospect on the horizon.

Until last week.    Jay accepted an offer with Heritage Propane in Helena, MT.  I worked for them when we were newlyweds and know firsthand it is a great company.

So now we’re once again in transition.  Jay will be heading up there to start work and find housing.  The kids and I will linger until we have a house to move our things into to.  (We just can’t bear the thought of ANOTHER storage unit and more temporary housing.)

The emotions of this are all over the board.  Relief that Jay’s found a good job that sounds like will be an excellent fit for him.  Joy of being by friends and family.  Helena’s a great city…it’s familiar.  We have our networks in place already.

The flip side that I’ve bawled countless tears over:  No more  American Heritage Academy.  I never knew a school like this could exist.  The Montana winters.  That was one of the biggest reasons we left over five years ago.  And the ever present Montana economy.  Missing my sisters- we’ve never lived by one another as adults and I’ve been tickled beyond words to be a short drive apart from each other. I love the sunshine and hot weather here too.

But the door that are open are in Helena and truth is. we really don’t know what purposes may unfold in the months and years ahead.  So in the meanwhile, I forward to coffee at Morning Light, Sweet Grass whole wheat cinnamon rolls and those other cozy home town comforts.

But enough soliloquy.  That’s what’s going on with the Lodes.  We are so very grateful for all the love and support we’ve received from you all. If you feel so lead, please send flannel shirts, wool socks and hot chocolate. ;)   THANK YOU.

The tragedy of entitlement

The older I get it seems the less I know.  Nor do I see things as black and white as I used to.

But one thing I have confidently learned- Whenever I reach for a book to help me raise my kids….the guns get turned on me.

There are several Love and Logic parenting books but the one on the left deal specifically with the entitlement mentality that has shaped nearly every facet of life in America today.

From little toddlers pitching a fit to candy up to the crabby seniors who’ve “paid their dues” and demand their just desserts.  (Half price with the early bird discount.)

The Christian world has bought into this thinking too.  Only we wrap Bible verses around it.  We “stand on the word” and get ticked when God, that Great Errand Boy in the Sky, doesn’t do our bidding.

I see in so many ways how this mentality has enmeshed my thinking.  I’ve been upset over our unemployment.  Upset over not having this or that.  I’m 46 now….things should be better, right?

Better than….what? My peers who live in nice homes who’ve never experienced a lay off?  Or….how about this….Better than the single mom, HIV positive, who is trying to provide for her 3 HIV positive children? That second scenario is closer to the reality MOST of the world lives with daily.

Gratitude is the first key to tackling this scourge on our lives….and our culture.  And also recognizing the wise words of my daddy: “The world doesn’t owe you a living, honey.”  I suspect those folks in Africa understand this truth….and live a happier life because of it.  (I am NOT making light of their enormously difficult circumstances, mind you.)

When I relinquish entitlement thinking (and its subsequent fruit of angst and discontent,) I am free to embrace living joyfully  in the moment.

It’s not an easy process but I’m confident it’s worth the trouble.  Now would someone fetch me a cup of coffee?  Oops, I mean…

The tyranny of tomorrow

Tick! Tock! Tick! Time keeps on slipping....

I tried a daring experiment yesterday.  I wasn’t sure if I could do it but somehow, I managed to pull if off for almost the entire day.

I went without wearing my watch.

So big deal, you say.  Yeah,  it does sound pretty insignificant in comparison to splitting an atom or getting through Wal-Mart on Saturday with a colicky baby.

But for a person who is wired like I am, always cognizant of time, this was no small thing. I am frequently driven by the words of that sage, Steve Miller, “Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future!”  Because of this,  I suspect part of the stress and anxiety I deal with (especially given our present circumstances) deals with time. Tomorrow, to be exact. Tick-tock-tick, ya know.

So when my friend Debbie Forte posted this link this morning on Facebook, I found it, well, timely.  (Har.)

I’m learning to live in the moment; that’s where the grace is found.  Jesus himself said “Take no thought for tomorrow.”  But yet we fret away moments dreading tomorrow’s “What if’s” or in my case right now…my physical therapy appointment in less than hour.  (Yeah, that doubles the fun when you spend half the morning dreading it.  That makes sense.)

I find this guy’s observations in regards to school especially fascinating.  Go ahead…take the time and watch this.  (OMG. I am just killing myself today.)

A powerful statement

This statement will either empower or frighten you:

You have a choice.

The power of it is in realizing that yes, I can make positive choices.  Yes, I can effect change in my life.  I can lose weight, gain a more positive outlook in life and cultivate my creativity.  And while I may need the help of friends and mentors, this is a rather lonely process at times.  Contrary to Obama’s, there’s no “we” when it comes to an individual’s decisions to make a choice. It is Yes, I can.

The scary part is the realization that along with that choice, I must accept the responsibility.  I must admit that where I am at today, barring circumstances beyond my control, is a result of the choices I made yesterday.  And last year.  And yes, even from many years ago when I made a stupid driving decision- the scars remind me of that every day.

Choosing to accept responsibility in making choices silences the whiny victim within me  just waiting to pass the buck onto another person or circumstance or…(gasp)…to blame God.

I often don’t take time to consider that powerful statement.  Ironically, the most important time to consider it is usually at the most inopportune time.  Like when I chose to lose my temper with the kids.  Or snarf down the newly discovered double chocolate donut from the Mexican grocery store after whining about my fat butt.

I’m thinking “You Have a Choice” might be a good statement to hang in a prominent place.   Maybe even dangle it from the front of my glasses for when I see those donuts.

Little Boxes hunting

Pete Seeger was singing to me again yesterday.  We were driving around a subdivision and well, here…have a listen:

One difference though- these little boxes were not yellow, green or pink, they were all beige.  All of them.  I mean ALL.  I looked for street names like “Conformity Way” and “Compliance Lane” but alas, there were none.

Subdivisions are a great idea for some.  A HOA will deal with your neighbors annoying ways and often they have family friendly amenities.

There’s a sense of predictability and safety with a box, er, I mean subdivision.  Your home values, if it’s in a good subdivision, will likely do well.

After looking at other houses, I DO understand the appeal of a subdivision.  We looked at one home in the city (sans subdivision,) and fell in love with it.  Spanish architecture, huge garage, guest home (can you say “Writing Nook?”) and oh, be still my heart, a HOT TUB and a FOUNTAIN!

But you know the adage: Location, location, location.  And this place was in a doozy of a location.  Right smack dab in the middle of a dilapidated trailer court- complete with ROTTWEILERS. (What were they thinking?)

Contrast that with the neat and tidy,  subdivision and yeah…I understand the subdivision appeal.

But nah….I don’t think you’ll find us again in a subdivision any time soon.  (They’d probably kick us out anyway about the time Daniel would set up his 10′ telephone switch in the driveway.)

So our out-of-the-box journey continues.  And brings us to out of the way places for unexpected surprises, some nasty…many pleasant.  Gee, sort of sounds like life, eh?

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