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    theresa


    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

    Curious? Want to know more? Read on ...

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How about if we ask the question this way?

Posted on February 25, 2013 by therealmotherlode

Instead of asking “How smart are you?” we ask “How are you smart?”

The school system can only quantify the first question.  And while a teacher may recognize a certain spark or gifting in a child, the system ties her hands from asking the second.

It’s a shame.  Academics is a sport at which only a few children excel.  The rest- the gifted artist, the boy who works well with his hands, the reflective poet, or the budding chemist who pushes the boundaries- these are often left feeling like they’re stupid.

The more I think on these things, the more insulting I find the whole system.  The subjects are arbitrary, the grading system punitive and the individual dehumanized.

As a parent, it is more important than ever to help our kids develop their inborn giftings and talents.

Asking that second question is a good place to begin.

Filed under: education, Free Range Education, homeschooling, parenting, Public schooling | 2 Comments »

Our journey with ADHD

Posted on February 12, 2013 by therealmotherlode

21991If you’re new to my blog,  you may be wondering who I am and why I write about these things.

In the podcast, Dr. Pei and I discuss our journey with ADHD, starting with when our oldest son was diagnosed around age five.

Here’s a few of the things we’ve learned:

  • ADHD: is it neurological, emotional, or is it personality? Is it defective, or is it different?
  • Use of medication
  • Effect of diet and supplements
  • Lifestyle – question: are we an ADHD society?
  • Physical activity and ADHD
  • Learning Styles of your children: auditory, visual or tactile?
  • Education Options
  • The Brilliance in ADHD

Be sure to take advantage of the eBook offer on her page!  Or sign up for email notifications on my blog and I’ll send you one.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, Free Range Education, parenting, PDD-NOS, Resources, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Managing ADD/ADHD in the home

Posted on February 9, 2011 by therealmotherlode

“You run our family like a business,” my son told me yesterday.  He gestured to the large white board we have mounted on the wall.

It was a compliment to me but I know he wasn’t saying it with appreciation.

But it’s part of effort to keep disorganization and Shiny Object Syndrome (SOS) at bay in our home.   So  here’s just a few things I’ve found to help manage ADD in our home.

Use a white board. I use it to write down goals and their rewards.  Hubby Jay and I also use it to brainstorm ideas and family topics we need to address.  There’s something about having these things writ large in bright blue marker that turns all those bunny trails turn into a map.

Pick your battles. I could give a flying fig if my ADHD’er has nice handwriting.  Unless your child has a future as a call to handwrite sacred documents like a Middle Ages Monk, I see little reason to get all worked up over this.  Ditto for keeping his room clean.  I shut his door and pray for his future wife.  I have other issues that are more important for me on which to spend my energy.

Accept their limitations. I want to scream and pull my hair out every time I hear a mom lament their child’s lagging progress in any give area.  Are YOU a good bookkeeper?  Can YOU sing well?   Do YOU know how to fix a car?  I’m sure you answered “no” to at least one of those things.  And I bet you don’t lie awake thinking about how “behind” you are.

Instead of insisting your kid has beautiful handwriting or shoes lined up neatly under his bed…why not focus on developing his wild creativity? (BTW- Creativity is spelled: M-E-S-S.) Or help him put legs on an idea to turn it into a business.  (Entrepreneurship is a FABULOUS option for ADHD’ers.)

Show them options. My boy has the drive and brains of an entrepreneur.  But good business management is not one of his strengths.  I tell him, without condemnation, that he will need to have someone who IS good at business management help that side of his business.

Laugh. You will several years down the road looking back at these crazy days…why not do it now?

Q4U:  How do you manage ADD/ADHD in your home?

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, family life, Free Range Education, Goal Setting, parenting, The Mother Lode Project | 3 Comments »

Are supplements helpful for ADHD?

Posted on February 7, 2011 by therealmotherlode

I’ve had a few moms recently ask me about the usefulness of supplements for ADHD.  If you take a trip to a health food store or any pharmacy section for that matter, chances are good you’ll find products promising you a new and improved child.  Calmness!  Great Focus!  Peace in the home!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Save your money.  As my pharmacist friend pointed out me to a long time ago, if a product advertises “no side effects”, as these herbal preparations often do, there is little or no “effect.”  No EFFECT.  Get that?

With sky rocketing rates of ADD/ADHD diagnosing, these Snake Oil salesmen know a willing and ready market when they see it.  (Especially the desperate parent market.)

Having said that, might there be some marginal benefit?  Sure.  Everyone’s different.  But if you’re budget is like ours, spending $30/month or more on a dubious herb with marginal effect for a six month trial isn’t very doable.

Now of course, since I said this, I’ll probably hear from a parent who will tell me about Dr. Wonder’s Peace in a Jar that turned their child’s life around.  (And NO, I’m not interested in taking advantage of the amazing multi-level marketing business opportunity that it comes with. ;) )  IF that works for you…I am delighted.  Really I am.  My personal opinion is: There is a helluva lot of hype out there; caveat emptor and fer-crying-out-loud hang onto your wallet.

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but there is NO magic wand for settling down that hyper 6-year-old.  (For starters, the fact that he’s six and being told to “sit still” in kindergarten is the real issue here.)

Might there be some supplements that are helpful like Flax Seed oil or Omega 3′s?  Sure!  B vitamins?  Absolutely.

Check with your doctor or nurse practitioner.  And if you don’t have one who’s willing to explore these simple and low cost considerations with you….fire them and find a NEW health care provider.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, parenting, PDD-NOS | Tagged: , | 6 Comments »

The best sentence to diffuse a power struggle

Posted on January 27, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Got teenagers?   We have three running around our house now.  When I say that, most parents will respond with sympathy or fear as they mutter,  “uh-oh.”

We love having teens.  I love watching them grow into young adults and begin stretching their wings.

But that also means we have conflict too.  Okay…that part I don’t like much.  Which is why I found myself thinking about this gem of a sentence.  I’ve even practiced it so I have it ready when it’s needed.

Ready? It goes something like this.  Johnny is telling you he know longer wishes to do his daily responsibilities.  A burst of anger flashes through your mind as you recall the amount of work you do on a daily basis for the Little Ingrate. Gawd, my back hurts just thinking about it. You wonder if there’s a black market for teenagers.   Contemplate dropping the kid off a boot camp.  This flies through your mind quicker than that Who died question when the phone rings at 2AM..  (Okay, maybe it’s just MY mind.)

But thankfully, instead of engaging in a power play,  you’ve got this gem of a sentence up your sleeve.  Here ’tis:

I love you too much to argue with you. Or it could be: I respect you too much to argue with you.

And then you walk away.  (And a hearty thank you for Love and Logic for their great support!)

Have you ever won a power struggle when tempers are flaring?  Go, cool down, pull yourself together and deal with junior later.

This is something I’m working on right now and I gotta tell you…it IS effective.

PS  If you’re too pissed to utter that long sentence, a simple “Oh,” is always good…provided you walk away from the melt down site and address things when you’re in control of your temper. 

 

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, family life, parenting, Personal development, Personal notes | Tagged: , | 7 Comments »

How to have a nervous breakdown homeschooling

Posted on January 26, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Need a little drama in your life? Is it about flippin’ time you got some care and attention?

Never fear!  I’ve compiled a short list of how you, yes…you, can finally get some peace and quiet, by having a nervous breakdown!  This list is especially for homeschool mamas but I’m sure there’s broader application.

Prozac and shock therapy here we come!  (Results may vary.  Please consult your mental health care provider before beginning any new nervous breakdown plan.)

1.    Be rigid!  Get some discipline in your life and make sure you strictly adhere to a schedule.  For maximum speed toward your nervous breakdown, I suggest insisting the children are sitting in their desks (they do have desks, right?) promptly at 8:00.

2.    While we’re talking rigidity, I suggest using a day-by-day curriculum plan.  Hey, the public schools are moving towards this…why not you?  How on earth can you keep up with what they’re doing?

3.    Frequently mutter the words, “We’re so behind.”  Chances are you will be anyway following #2.  Be sure to let the kids know.  They’ll know anyway but one can never be too sure.

4.    Compare yourself with other mamas and their progeny.  Their kid’s playing a concerto and your kid’s taking Concerta.  Spend time meditating on this. Are you twitching yet?

5.    Don’t…oh PUH-PLEEZE, DON’T exercise or have any time to yourself.  This is a short season in your life and the opportunity to pour yourself out to your kids is fleeting.  Shelve your interests and hobbies too.

6.    Neglect your marriage.  Don’t you feel better being released from that?  You and I both know it’s impossible to keep that weekly date night with your busy schedule anyway.

7.    Ensure that everything you cook is made from scratch.  Shun Doritos and run from the appearance of white flour.  Because you’re running a tight ship now, you’ll have the extra five hours a day to meet this standard.

And there’s more too!  (I’m sure you can think of a few.)  But you’ve been on the computer waaaaay too long already so I’ll end here.

Now- Go crack that whip!

Please drop me a note and let me know how you’re progressing.  The Homeschool Mama’s Ward is waiting!

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, family life, homeschooling, humor, parenting, Special Needs' Kids | 12 Comments »

Guidelines for homeschooling your ADHD’er-2

Posted on January 25, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Ready for some more guidelines on homeschooling your ADHD’er?  Here we go!

Recognize the different types of intelligence. According to an education PhD I visited with, MOST kids are NOT academic. Perhaps your kid’s a natural people person.  Or kids who are nurturing.  (One of my best friends is very nurturing; I especially appreciate her friendship when I’m hurting.)  Here’s a link to an interesting article on multiple intelligences.

Throw out your ruler. Yeah, that thing with which you’re measuring your kid’s performance.  ESPECIALLY if you’re child has special needs or learning differences.  The momentum with which Standardized testing mania is spreading (thanks to No Child Left Behind,) is NOT a metric to bring into your home.  What the schools are trying to quantify is a narrowly focused snapshot.  If you’re kid isn’t academically inclined please don’t use this to judge their smarts.

Allow them room to fidget. Since I’m mostly talking about ADHD here, please keep this in mind.  Insisting that your child “sit still” to learn something is probably shifting their entire focus from trying to learn what you want to learn…to focusing on sitting still. For these kids, sitting still while attending to a mental task is torture.  Is this a bad thing?  I don’t think so.  Some of the most brilliant entrepreneurs can’t sit still to save their lives.  And a desk job would kill them.

Allow plenty of opportunity for their creativity to grow. Quit focusing so much on their sloppy handwriting(Hello? Doctors?) and focus on cultivating their natural interests and bent.  Everyone will be happier.

Get out of the way! I’ve had many moms share with me their shameful secrets.  It usually goes something like this: I just let Johnny play with his electronics all day and we had the best day ever! Then their face will darken and they’ll add with deep regret, But we had to get our school work done. Ugh.  That never fails to pierce my heart.  A child’s play IS their school work.  Don’t underestimate the academic and creative power of play.

Enjoy the journey. I know you’re tired.  Know the kid is driving you crazy.   I know the road seems endless.  But…this is not the first time you’ve heard this…the years really do fly by.  (I can say that too knowing you’re out of reach from slapping me.  That’s precisely what I wanted to do when parents would tell me that.)

Parenting, homeschooling, life…it’s all a journey. And homeschooling them (or not) doesn’t conclude with a report card and a “You’re Arrived.”.  We journey with our kids for a season and then (hopefully) we send them off to…continue their journey.

And it’s all good!

 

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, Free Range Education, homeschooling, Individuality, parenting, PDD-NOS, Public schooling, Special Needs' Kids, The Mother Lode Project | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Guidelines for homeschooling your ADHD’er

Posted on January 24, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Wondering how to homeschool your hyperactive wonder?  Please note that I did not title this “How to Homeschool Your ADHD’er.”  Anymore, “how to” articles make me nervous.  How to lose weight.  How to be happy.  How to….. Everyone person is different and while one may learn some tidbits from someone else’s journey, there is no roadmap.  No easy 1-2-3 formula.  If someone tells you else wise, they’re selling something.

Now that we got that out of the way- here’s a few things I’ve learned in homeschooling my kids, one of whom was diagnosed with ADHD many years ago.

Know your child. If you have more than one child, you can recall how different each one felt the first time you held them in your arms.  (Or moms, how about when you were pregnant with them?)  This seems like such a basic thing but yet I still hear parents say, “Well, I really don’t know what my kid likes.”  HUH?  Stop everything, clear your overloaded calendar and schedule some lavish amounts of time with your kid.  I’ll just be standing over here by the water cooler to finish our chat later.

Understand their wiring. Yeah, this is sort of a rehash of my first point.  Consider their personality traits.  Is your kid a natural leader who needs a small island nation to rule or is he more of a contemplative thinker with a heart to serve others from behind the scenes?  This is also helpful in understanding your OWN wiring!  What motivates you may not motivate your child (and it may even frustrate them.)  I urge you to check out my friend Deb’s website: My Wired Style.  It will be money well spent to use her DISC survey.  Please.  Go. Do. This.

Cultivate their strengths. This is especially important if your child is fresh from public school where the “you’re defective” message has been received loud and clear.  The aim of school is to remediate so called deficiencies so your child can fit the norm (whatever the hell that means,) so the school can measure up on the standardized tests.

Begin with the end in mind. That’s my favorite Stephen Covey axiom.  The end in mind for public schools is: Every kid must go to college.  I trust you already understand the folly of this well intended but short sighted approach.  If your kid is obsessed with Legos, see if you can’t find him a mentor in the building industry.  Is Johnny fascinated by how things work; his future may include an apprenticeship.  Is Sally a natural born sales leader?  Cultivate that important skill!  Load her up on Zig Ziglar books.  Get a real estate agent who knows how to close the deal to spend some time with her.

As you can see, these things are not rocket science.  More tomorrow!

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, College education, education, Free Range Education, homeschooling, Individuality, parenting, PDD-NOS, The Mother Lode Project | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

My #1 tool for dealing with ADHD related stress

Posted on January 17, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Got a kid with ADD/ADHD?  How about a spouse?  If you do, you understand there are some unique stresses in dealing with it in the home.

The other day, I received an email from another mom.  I could hear echoes of my struggles not so long ago.  “I’m overwhelmed,” she said.  “How can we improve how we’re handling things in the home?”

I started to reply with what I usually ask: What specifically are you trying to deal with? Impulsivity? Academic struggles?  Relationships? When a parent’s overwhelmed with their hyper-drive kid, it’s easy for all of the issues to meld into a huge, tangled….and hopeless looking, ball of yarn.  Trying to target one or two behaviors, I’ve found is a good starting point.

And then I stopped myself. “I’m overwhelmed,” she had said.  And judging from her use of words in the rest of the email, this was an understatement.

And I remembered the most important tool I’ve found for coping with ADD related stress.

I told her to go for a walk.  Buy a cup of coffee. (My personal favorite.)  Paint a picture. Call a friend. (A supportive, UPLIFTING one!)  Read a book.

My counselor friends call this “SELF CARE” in their native psycho-babble tongue. And I have found it to be the single most important tool I have to cope with ADD related stress.  I simply must.take.care.of.myself.

The idea is like how on an airplane the flight attendant will tell you to always put on your own oxygen mask before assisting someone else.

Moms who home school are especially neglectful when it comes to taking time to nurture their own souls.  Many of the women I know who home school a child with learning differences or special needs struggle with stress related health issues like fibromyalgia or migraines.

Let go of the spotless house.  One more day of allowing your kid to bounce off the walls isn’t going to kill him. And school?  I’m going to talk about how homeschooling your ADDer may not be such a good idea tomorrow.

There is nothing noble about wearing yourself down to a nub in the name of “taking care of your family.”

I shared this bit about self care to that mom.  She replied immediately.  Said she was crying because it was just what she needed to hear.  And she was going for walk.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, family life, parenting, PDD-NOS, Special Needs' Kids, Stress and worry, The Mother Lode Project | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Raising perfect kids

Posted on January 14, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Have you found yourself mulling over your parenting ways in light of the dialog over Amy Chua’s article and book?

I know many have; I’ve heard from some of them.  We parents are our own harshest critics.  I’m too lenient.  I should have made my kid stick with piano.  I let them play video games too much. (This one frequently echoes in my head.)

It’s good to regularly examine one’s ways and adjust when necessary.  I’m also a firm believer in giving oneself plenty of mercy and grace too.  We are imperfect parents raising imperfect kids.

The biggest problem dogging our heels, IMHO, is that SHAME and FEAR is the driving force of the many things we do as parents.

I was shouting “YES!” when I watched this TED talk.  In it, Brene Brown discusses the power of vulnerability.  Pay special attention to what she says about those perfect kids at 17.41.

The more I think about Amy Chua and her stalwart ways, the more I admire the guts she has to be so transparent in sharing her journey.  I suspect Grace is closer to her than many of us would assume.  (Isn’t Grace always standing close by, waiting to help?)

I love Brene’s final comments.  Our job as parents isn’t to have “perfect” kids.  Our job is to say “You’re imperfect.  But you’re worthy of love and belonging.”

Can you imagine a generation of kids being raised this way?

 

Filed under: Current events, family life, Individuality, parenting, Personal development | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

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