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    theresa


    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

    Curious? Want to know more? Read on ...

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The best sentence to diffuse a power struggle

Posted on January 27, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Got teenagers?   We have three running around our house now.  When I say that, most parents will respond with sympathy or fear as they mutter,  “uh-oh.”

We love having teens.  I love watching them grow into young adults and begin stretching their wings.

But that also means we have conflict too.  Okay…that part I don’t like much.  Which is why I found myself thinking about this gem of a sentence.  I’ve even practiced it so I have it ready when it’s needed.

Ready? It goes something like this.  Johnny is telling you he know longer wishes to do his daily responsibilities.  A burst of anger flashes through your mind as you recall the amount of work you do on a daily basis for the Little Ingrate. Gawd, my back hurts just thinking about it. You wonder if there’s a black market for teenagers.   Contemplate dropping the kid off a boot camp.  This flies through your mind quicker than that Who died question when the phone rings at 2AM..  (Okay, maybe it’s just MY mind.)

But thankfully, instead of engaging in a power play,  you’ve got this gem of a sentence up your sleeve.  Here ’tis:

I love you too much to argue with you. Or it could be: I respect you too much to argue with you.

And then you walk away.  (And a hearty thank you for Love and Logic for their great support!)

Have you ever won a power struggle when tempers are flaring?  Go, cool down, pull yourself together and deal with junior later.

This is something I’m working on right now and I gotta tell you…it IS effective.

PS  If you’re too pissed to utter that long sentence, a simple “Oh,” is always good…provided you walk away from the melt down site and address things when you’re in control of your temper. 

 

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, family life, parenting, Personal development, Personal notes | Tagged: , | 7 Comments »

Merry Christmas to all!

Posted on December 26, 2010 by therealmotherlode

A little slow on posting this but I won’t be around a whole lot until after the beginning of the new year.

I hope you and your family are having a fabulous time!  We’re enjoying our first Christmas among family in about 6 years; it is sweet.

Merry Christmas and here’s to a great 2011!

Filed under: Personal notes | 1 Comment »

My $20 kitchen make-over

Posted on December 18, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Just thought I’d give you a sneak peek of what I’ve been up to these past weeks since arriving back in Helena.  My net cost on the kitchen and entry way is about $20.  How?  Using “sample” sizes of paints ($5/each) and mis-tints ($0-$5).  These aren’t the best pictures but hey- you get the idea!

Like those groovy bars? All I could think of when I looked at those things was a scene from "The Three Stooges" where one of them was in a trance and would intone, "I'm in Sing Sing, I'm in Sing Sing." Yeah, I know. My mind's a scary place.

 

 

I'm freed from prison! Eventually, we'll completely redo the this 1964 kitchen but for now I'm delighted with what $5 worth of paint did to make this an enjoyable space to be in.

Here's the entry way. That wallpaper was a pain in the hiney to strip. People! USE SIZING when you wallpaper!

Again, another $5 paint project. The wall was a bit beat up so a faux finish was just was needed. I had a dear friend in TN who helped teach me do faux finishes so I smile when I think of how her influence has brought beauty into our home.

This is the dining area; the french doors go out onto my beloved sun porch. Note the gastly light fixture hanging over the stairway to the left. That puppy fell down on its own. It must have known a new day was dawning. (And thankfully, no one was under it when it met its demise.)

I know, I know. It's a crummy picture. But this room is my favorite for a dramatic change. I splashed some Adobe colored paint on one wall and a beautiful green on the other. It feels like a coffee house with our framed coffee posters adorning the walls. And you know how I feel about coffee houses!

I am so very grateful that we get to spend our first Christmas back in Montana in this great home.  A lot of people saw “WORK” when they looked at this house.  We see opportunity (yes, it’s wrapped up in hard work) and a great way to express our creativity in turning our home into, as my dear friend Joanne would say, A Haven of Peace.

Now, back to work!

PS Happy Anniversary to my sweetie.  22 years of adventure and counting!

Filed under: Personal notes | Tagged: , | 6 Comments »

Have you fed your amygdala today?

Posted on December 17, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Your what? you say.  The amygdala is the part of your brain that registers fear.  Without it, we’d end up like this woman who lost all sense of fear after a brain injury.

I like what Seth Godin calls the amygdala- the Lizard Brain.  It operates on a primitive level and keeps us from harm, certainly. That’s good.   But it also keeps us bound up and unwilling to change. That’s not good.

Without risk, there is no advancement.  No changes.  No new discoveries.  No deep relationships.  The list is endless.

And as though the amygdala needs any help feeding a steady diet of negativity and fear to control our behavior, there is an abundance of outside voices that will help it as well.  (Remember the black crab story that Kiosaki tells?)

Every time I read a fear-laden email forward about how my mattress is poisoning in my sleep (due to chemicals breaking down,) to a new trend for axe-murderers to pose as kindly grandmas or a news story about how the democrats/republicans are going to….(fill in the blank), I am feeding my amygdala.

One only need look at the preposterous and bodacious actions of the TSA to see how this plays out.

Yes, there are dangers afoot and we need to live intelligently.

But that is pert near impossible if one is too preoccupied (and might I add, pissed off, as that is frequently a fruit of fear,) feeding their amygdala.

Life is a gift…a blessing.  And it’s too short to spend it living in fear.

Filed under: Musings, Personal development, Personal notes, Politics | 6 Comments »

Magnificent Montana!

Posted on December 6, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Just a quick personal update.  We arrived safe and sound back in our hometown of Helena, MT on Friday afternoon.  The trip went well though the roads were horrible between Butte and Helena.

I LOVE our new home!  And Jay and I are delighted to be reunited after being apart for one month.  So good to have our family back together.

We don’t have internet yet but will hopefully be back online this week.  In the meanwhile, I can happily set up shop in my old favorite coffee shop.  (I was happy to see that the owner, Dan, is still here!)

That’s all for now.  Thanks so much for the all the prayers and loving support and encouragement.

Filed under: Personal notes | 4 Comments »

Coming full circle

Posted on December 1, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Today’s our last day in Cottonwood.   This has not been an easy process to walk through.  Those who know me understand I could lead a full and rich life if I never personally experienced another snowflake in my life.

But my friend Dan Miller wrote a post the other day that really spoke to my heart.  Here’s part of it:

“If you ask people to imagine winning the lottery,” Dr. Gilbert says, “they typically talk about the things they would do — ‘I’d go to Italy, I’d buy a boat, I’d lay on the beach’ — and they rarely mention the things they would think. But our data suggest that the location of the body is much less important than the location of the mind, and that the former has surprisingly little influence on the latter. The heart goes where the head takes it, and neither cares much about the whereabouts of the feet.”

How many different ways have we been reminded that “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  Watch where your head takes your heart today.

So here’s what I’m thinking.  This is a great adventure and I look forward to rekindling the wonderful friendships I have enjoyed over many years.  I’m delighted to be closer to family; none of us are getting any younger, ya know.

And oooooh.  Those Sweet Grass  bakery whole wheat Cinnamon rolls. (Panera Bread holds NOTHING over this little hippie bakery.)   I’m coming baby!

Filed under: 48Days, Musings, Personal notes | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

The Road Less Traveled

Posted on November 12, 2010 by therealmotherlode

When I recommended the book, ‘The Art of Nonconformity” to my dear friend the other day, she shrieked.  “No! No! That’s the LAST thing I need.”  Our friends, like us, take the Road Less Traveled more often than not. And they have the battle scars to prove it.

She emailed later.  She had the book on her Amazon list.  But she said given their current difficulties they she should shop for titles, “Live your life in an average and unmentionable way and then die.”

What is it that compels people like them….like me and Jay to do the crazy things we do?  More than once I’ve seen the pleading in the eyes of friends and family- “Why don’t you just settle down?” (Especially when they see the pain our unconventional life brings to us at times. Like ANY life is free from pain, eh?)

Why do we do it?  I think it’s because there is an unquenchable thirst in us for the Road Less Traveled.

These past five years we have:

Cruised the Cumberland River

Spent a summer in Amish country

Reconnected with my family in Detroit

Met some amazing people and formed life-long friendships

Enjoyed early springs where the air is scented with magnolias

Lived in a neighborhood that Mayberry overlooked

(We lived in an RV for summer once too)

Played in the ocean

Traversed back and forth across this amazing country

Explored the Red Rocks of Sedona, Arizona

Eaten Dotson’s chocolate Pie

Raised chickens…and a few ducks too

Hosted “God Journey” events

Tapped our toes to bluegrass music and buck dancing

Did I mention the extraordinary people we’ve met?

I’m not sure what the next five years will hold.  Probably a house renovation.  (Real estate has been good to us in funding our adventures.)  Some travels here and there. Jay will become a stellar tax analyst. And I’ll continue develop my message on “Free Range Education.” (Are ya seeing a theme here?) And we’ll finish raising the kids.

No doubt, Jay and I will cling to each other as we watch out kids launch out into the world.  I suspect that they too may take the Road Less Traveled. Or so I hope.

Filed under: family life, Musings, Personal notes | 7 Comments »

Out of office

Posted on November 1, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Well, not really.  Because I don’t have an office.  But I will be away from the blog-o-sphere for at least a few weeks as things transition to Montana.

In the meanwhile,  you can catch me on Facebook.  Please know that I appreciate each and everyone of you who takes the time to read my ramblings.  THANK YOU!

Filed under: Personal notes | Leave a Comment »

Back where it all started

Posted on October 18, 2010 by therealmotherlode

What a whirlwind these past several weeks have been.  An emotional whirlwind I might add.  No longer will I ever look at an unemployed professional with a “Well, just go GET A JOB!!!”  attitude.  As I’m learning in this thing called life, rarely are things as cut and dry as we tend to think.  And a sense of control over our lives, our circumstances, is a fleeting illusion at best.

We’ve done all we could do.  Have prayed, searched, knocked on doors, prayed some more, cried, look some more.  Rinse, lather repeat.

Every job prospect in AZ has ended with shut door.  Even I received a few ding letters.  (Jay and I always joke about how I usually get offered whatever job I interview for.  But of course, what I’m looking for and what he’s looking for are two different things.)

These have been very, very scary days for us watching whats left of of our finances circle the drain, the unemployment pittance ending, and no employment prospect on the horizon.

Until last week.    Jay accepted an offer with Heritage Propane in Helena, MT.  I worked for them when we were newlyweds and know firsthand it is a great company.

So now we’re once again in transition.  Jay will be heading up there to start work and find housing.  The kids and I will linger until we have a house to move our things into to.  (We just can’t bear the thought of ANOTHER storage unit and more temporary housing.)

The emotions of this are all over the board.  Relief that Jay’s found a good job that sounds like will be an excellent fit for him.  Joy of being by friends and family.  Helena’s a great city…it’s familiar.  We have our networks in place already.

The flip side that I’ve bawled countless tears over:  No more  American Heritage Academy.  I never knew a school like this could exist.  The Montana winters.  That was one of the biggest reasons we left over five years ago.  And the ever present Montana economy.  Missing my sisters- we’ve never lived by one another as adults and I’ve been tickled beyond words to be a short drive apart from each other. I love the sunshine and hot weather here too.

But the door that are open are in Helena and truth is. we really don’t know what purposes may unfold in the months and years ahead.  So in the meanwhile, I forward to coffee at Morning Light, Sweet Grass whole wheat cinnamon rolls and those other cozy home town comforts.

But enough soliloquy.  That’s what’s going on with the Lodes.  We are so very grateful for all the love and support we’ve received from you all. If you feel so lead, please send flannel shirts, wool socks and hot chocolate. ;)   THANK YOU.

Filed under: family life, Musings, Personal notes | Tagged: , | 6 Comments »

My latest article

Posted on August 8, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Just thought I’d throw this out there- it’s been awhile since I’ve been published on a national level.  This is particularly special to me because this magazine was my first national byline many years ago.   I’m delighted to have the opportunity to write again for them; it’s a great little magazine.  So without further adieu, here’s my article in American Profile.  Special thanks to my sources, Amy Beairl and Jeff Ullrey….both extraordinary people.  (One of the best perks about writing is the people you write about. :) )

Adjusting to a New School

by Theresa Lode

Amy Beairl, of Sault Ste. Marie, Mich. (pop. 16,542), was concerned her oldest son, Isaac, 12, would get lost in the crowd when he entered middle school last year.

“He’s a quiet, straight-A student,” says Beairl, a 36-year-old mother of two. “And he would be the youngest in the school,” she adds, noting that the middle school was much larger than Isaac’s elementary school.

Beairl’s concerns are understandable. Adjusting to a new school can be stressful for children, regardless of their age.

“Middle school social life can be tough to connect with, and every effort parents make to facilitate this process will pay huge rewards,” says Jeff Ullrey, a counselor at C.R. Anderson Middle School in Helena, Mont. (pop. 25,780).

Whether a child is changing schools during or at the beginning of the school year, parents can help ease the transition. Ullrey offers these tips:

  • Before switching schools, make sure the student tours the school and meets the new school’s counselor. Counselors can help kids connect with a group or another new student. “If possible, introduce the child to their new teachers,” Ullrey says. Beairl says attending an open house was helpful for her son.
  • Encourage your child to get involved in extracurricular activities as soon as possible. Isaac, who already played baseball and basketball, took up football in middle school. “It brought new friends,” Beairl says.
  • Be empathetic. “Provide a listening ear and keep a close eye on their transition, but resist the urge to hover too much,” Ullrey advises.
    Beairl says Isaac made a smooth transition in a matter of days. “Soon he was one of the most talkative kids in class.”

first appeared: 7/29/2010

Filed under: education, Personal notes, Public schooling, writing | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

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