• Got ADHD?

    theresa


    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

    Curious? Want to know more? Read on ...
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Medication or meditation for ADHD?

This is a good place to start if you’re curious about mindfulness training.

Nearly 10% of all school aged children are being diagnosed with ADHD.  Throw in the likelihood that mom and/or dad have ADD or ADHD and whoa!  That’s a lot of squirrelly brains running around.

I first started reading about mindfulness  for help in dealing with my own anxiety tendencies and I can say – it has been very effective.  (I can get through Wally World without feeling like freaking out by the produce department now…but that’s another topic.)

Here’s an article about a mindfulness school that teaches their program to kids and teachers.  It has proven to be effective in improving the classroom environment.

For kids with ADHD- here’s an interesting sound bite that was included in today’s newsletter from Attention Research Update.

** Mindfulness Training for Children with ADHD and their Parents **
*****************************************************************************************************************************

Mindfulness training is an approach for enhancing mental health and alleviating mental health difficulties that is based on eastern medication techniques. The focus of mindfulness training is to increase one’s awareness of the present moment, enhance the non-judgmental observation of one’s surroundings, and decrease impulsive and automatic responding to events. Research on mindfulness training with adults has shown benefits for depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and eating difficulties. Preliminary research on mindfulness training with children and adolescents has also yielded positive findings, including several non-controlled pilot studies of youth with ADHD.

A study published recently in the Journal of Child and Family Studies provides a more extensive examination of the possible benefits of mindfulness training for children with ADHD and their parents [S. van der Ord & S. M. Bodgel (2012). The effectiveness of mindfulness training for children with ADHD and mindful parenting for their parents. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 21, 139-147]. Participants were 22 8-12 year old children diagnosed with ADHD and their parents. The study was conducted at an outpatient mental health clinic in the Netherlands.

Children and parents were randomly assigned to receive mindfulness training or to a wait-list control condition; the majority of children were already receiving treatment with stimulant medication and remained on medication during the study. Mindfulness training consisted of 8 weekly 90 minute group sessions – the child group included 4-6 children and the parent group included the parents of these children. Children and parents were given structured assignments to complete between the sessions that focused on practicing the skills they had learning in each group meeting.

One friend has been using mindfulness techniques for over eight years and she reports:

“We have learned to slow down, be quiet, give processing time, scaffold the thinking process understanding where the child is developmentally is important so you are working within his zone of proximal development,” Penny, mom to a child on the spectrum.

I wish I had learned of this when my ADHDer was little- it would have been very helpful.

I think it’s clear that we can all benefit from taking a deep breath and learning mindfulness!

I think, therefore I am…stressed

Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that about 10% of school-aged are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.  I read another study that says that 30% of Americans will suffer with an anxiety disorder over the course of their life.

How many people do you personally know that are taking an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety?  I can prattle off several names.

What I find most troubling though is the amount of kids diagnosed with mental health issues.

What do you think is going on?

BTW-  In my own struggles, I’ve found this book to be the most helpful of the self-help books on my shelf.  I keep a dog-eared copy of it on my nightstand.

howtostop

My #1 tool for dealing with ADHD related stress

Got a kid with ADD/ADHD?  How about a spouse?  If you do, you understand there are some unique stresses in dealing with it in the home.

The other day, I received an email from another mom.  I could hear echoes of my struggles not so long ago.  “I’m overwhelmed,” she said.  “How can we improve how we’re handling things in the home?”

I started to reply with what I usually ask: What specifically are you trying to deal with? Impulsivity? Academic struggles?  Relationships? When a parent’s overwhelmed with their hyper-drive kid, it’s easy for all of the issues to meld into a huge, tangled….and hopeless looking, ball of yarn.  Trying to target one or two behaviors, I’ve found is a good starting point.

And then I stopped myself. “I’m overwhelmed,” she had said.  And judging from her use of words in the rest of the email, this was an understatement.

And I remembered the most important tool I’ve found for coping with ADD related stress.

I told her to go for a walk.  Buy a cup of coffee. (My personal favorite.)  Paint a picture. Call a friend. (A supportive, UPLIFTING one!)  Read a book.

My counselor friends call this “SELF CARE” in their native psycho-babble tongue. And I have found it to be the single most important tool I have to cope with ADD related stress.  I simply must.take.care.of.myself.

The idea is like how on an airplane the flight attendant will tell you to always put on your own oxygen mask before assisting someone else.

Moms who home school are especially neglectful when it comes to taking time to nurture their own souls.  Many of the women I know who home school a child with learning differences or special needs struggle with stress related health issues like fibromyalgia or migraines.

Let go of the spotless house.  One more day of allowing your kid to bounce off the walls isn’t going to kill him. And school?  I’m going to talk about how homeschooling your ADDer may not be such a good idea tomorrow.

There is nothing noble about wearing yourself down to a nub in the name of “taking care of your family.”

I shared this bit about self care to that mom.  She replied immediately.  Said she was crying because it was just what she needed to hear.  And she was going for walk.

Advice…or approval?

I’ve been mulling over something for the past few days.  In reading Chris Guillebeau’s “The Art of Non Conformity” he talks about having a “Guru-free philosophy.”  I LOVE that.

Over the years, I’ve had a guru for nearly everything.  Fitness.  God.  Music. Lifestyle. Parenting.  And while there is a place for one to learn from another farther down the road….it is important that their influence is one that encourages you to proceed on your own journey, not mimic theirs.

Human nature being what it is, we become more dependent on OTHERS to do the heavy lifting for us when it comes to decision making and the life we want to lead.   (Religion THRIVES especially well in this dynamic.)

Ask yourself this question the next time you are looking for advice:  are you really looking for approval?

Advice is good given it’s proper place.  I also appreciate friendly assurance once in a while.  But if I’m living on the need for others’ approval, I will never fulfill the desires of my heart or the call on my life.

The cage door is open.  You have permission.  GO!  Home school the way you feel is in the best interests of your child.  Go dance down the street when you walk like this fellow in Brentwood, TN does.  Quit church.  Go to church.  Provided you’re not going to bring harm to yourself or others- Do what’s in your heart and quit looking for approval.

You may just change the world.

The tragedy of entitlement

The older I get it seems the less I know.  Nor do I see things as black and white as I used to.

But one thing I have confidently learned- Whenever I reach for a book to help me raise my kids….the guns get turned on me.

There are several Love and Logic parenting books but the one on the left deal specifically with the entitlement mentality that has shaped nearly every facet of life in America today.

From little toddlers pitching a fit to candy up to the crabby seniors who’ve “paid their dues” and demand their just desserts.  (Half price with the early bird discount.)

The Christian world has bought into this thinking too.  Only we wrap Bible verses around it.  We “stand on the word” and get ticked when God, that Great Errand Boy in the Sky, doesn’t do our bidding.

I see in so many ways how this mentality has enmeshed my thinking.  I’ve been upset over our unemployment.  Upset over not having this or that.  I’m 46 now….things should be better, right?

Better than….what? My peers who live in nice homes who’ve never experienced a lay off?  Or….how about this….Better than the single mom, HIV positive, who is trying to provide for her 3 HIV positive children? That second scenario is closer to the reality MOST of the world lives with daily.

Gratitude is the first key to tackling this scourge on our lives….and our culture.  And also recognizing the wise words of my daddy: “The world doesn’t owe you a living, honey.”  I suspect those folks in Africa understand this truth….and live a happier life because of it.  (I am NOT making light of their enormously difficult circumstances, mind you.)

When I relinquish entitlement thinking (and its subsequent fruit of angst and discontent,) I am free to embrace living joyfully  in the moment.

It’s not an easy process but I’m confident it’s worth the trouble.  Now would someone fetch me a cup of coffee?  Oops, I mean…

A powerful statement

This statement will either empower or frighten you:

You have a choice.

The power of it is in realizing that yes, I can make positive choices.  Yes, I can effect change in my life.  I can lose weight, gain a more positive outlook in life and cultivate my creativity.  And while I may need the help of friends and mentors, this is a rather lonely process at times.  Contrary to Obama’s, there’s no “we” when it comes to an individual’s decisions to make a choice. It is Yes, I can.

The scary part is the realization that along with that choice, I must accept the responsibility.  I must admit that where I am at today, barring circumstances beyond my control, is a result of the choices I made yesterday.  And last year.  And yes, even from many years ago when I made a stupid driving decision- the scars remind me of that every day.

Choosing to accept responsibility in making choices silences the whiny victim within me  just waiting to pass the buck onto another person or circumstance or…(gasp)…to blame God.

I often don’t take time to consider that powerful statement.  Ironically, the most important time to consider it is usually at the most inopportune time.  Like when I chose to lose my temper with the kids.  Or snarf down the newly discovered double chocolate donut from the Mexican grocery store after whining about my fat butt.

I’m thinking “You Have a Choice” might be a good statement to hang in a prominent place.   Maybe even dangle it from the front of my glasses for when I see those donuts.

The key to mastering fear

In the heart of every person there lies a frightened child

These are fearful times in which we live.  The economy!  Oh my, the job losses!  Is that headache a brain tumor?  Is that plastic cup I’m drinking from slowly poisoning me?

The ready availability of things to worry about is nothing new to the human condition.  The difference today though is our awareness of all things that go bump in the night is broadcasted 24/7.  And then it’s Twittered and posted on Facebook and….

Geesh.  Someone get me some anti-anxiety medication wouldja?

The more I study the lives of great men and women the more I am learning that how we handle fear is going to define how we live.  Movers and shakers moved forward when they were afraid.  Consider these quotes, spoken in the midst of some pretty scary circumstances:

“Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!” Admiral David Farragut

“We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans…we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender…” Winston Churchill

While we may not be fighting a physical war, we are very much in a battle.  But the battle isn’t Republican vs. Democrat or Homeschool vs. Public School or plastic bottle vs. stainless steel.

This is not the battle.  The real battle is how we’re going to handle the FEAR that polarizes us in our differences.  It is FEAR that keeps us ignorant and defensive.

But don’t rush right out to purchase The Dummies Guide to Mastering Fear.  Because while they may offer a few helpful techniques (like turn off that blasted TV), it still doesn’t deal with the heart of the matter.

Listen, Grasshopper…here’s the key:

Do you know how deeply loved you are?

Perfect love casts out all fear. The Bible.

PS Bonus feature!  A Facebook friend posted this link; it’s one of my favorite songs.  Sit down and imagine it’s your Creator singing it to you as he shows you his creation.  He really is that crazy over you.

A Dear(man) send off

If you're thinking "Gee they look tired," you be thinking right. This was our final night in Franklin and I can't think of a better way to have spent it than with the Dearmans.

It’s been a little over two weeks since we left our cozy life in Franklin.  When our good friend Deby called to invite us over for dinner on our last night we gratefully accepted.  “We just want to send you off with a blessing,” she said.

When a skilled songwriter says they want to bless you know you’re in for a treat.

Kirk, Deby and our other good friend, Cheryl. It's hard to leave good friends behind.

(Interesting fact: Kirk and Deby are the artists who wrote “We Bring the Sacrifice of Praise” over 25 years ago.)

After a wonderful meal, we gathered into their piano room.  “You’re going to make us cry aren’t you?” I asked.  Kirk smiled and with a twinkle in his blue eyes said, “Yup.”  It was a new song he recently wrote entitled, “Through the Waters.”  Uh-oh.  I knew we were really in for it.  ;)

He put on his reading glasses and straightened out his music. And then he began to play.

My composure was lost about two measures into the song.

As the music filled the room and washed over us, our hearts were carried away.  And we were touched down to the deepest parts of our move-weary hearts.

I’d post it for you here but the file is too large.  Hopefully I’ll get a link up soon.  Get a sample of some of their other music here.

Kirk and Deby- You rock!  (Ever so gently and lovingly, that is.  ;) )  We love you and miss you.

The blessing of the unknown

I was cleaning out my notebook last night when I saw one of the notes I had written.  Among my chicken scratch was the name of a local motel and then there was a frowny face by it.

I’m a note taker when I’m on the phone with someone and these were the notes I jotted down while talking to a real estate agent in Cottonwood.  (Or would that be “Realtor” with the little “c” symbol by it?)

“The Best Western is very comfortable and central to everything,” she said.  She didn’t out right bash this local motel tell but the inference was there.  It’s not up to snuff.  Go with the trusted and true national chain.

I get that argument.  But the cost of the mom and pop place was a chunk of change less and when one has no income, this is a pretty important consideration.  And besides, we enjoy mom and pop places.  Cookie cutter national chains are nice but we’ll take charm and a unique experience any day over fluffy towels and uniformed front desk personnel.

So we took our chances.  Going off the beaten path can be scary. (Especially if it’s driven by financial pressure.)  Yeah, we could have gone with the national chain and had an entirely predictable stay complete with fluffy towels and Belgium waffles that leave you starving a half hour after eating.

We would have missed out on some huge blessings had we taken that that agent’s advice.  The unknown is scary but sometimes that’s how some of the greatest discoveries are made. (Remind me of this when I’m sitting up late at night sobbing with “What did we do!?” ringing through my head, kay?)

I crumpled up my note, frowny face and all, and threw it in the round file.

Even the rocks will cry out

Our Arizona announcement has left more than one person scratching their head. You don’t have a job? What about a place to live? ( Like this is the first time we’ve bewildered people.  Ha!)

The concern in their eyes is clear.  And the bigger question, What? Are you nuts? politely remains unasked.  (Many times that is the very question tossing about in my head.)

Seth Godin echoed many of my recent musing in his brilliant post entitled Amplifying the Lizard Brain.  (Funny how often his blog is so timely in our lives.)

We humans are a fearful lot and we have to be intentional about quieting the voices of doubt and fear because they are many…..and they are everywhere.

“Nine out of ten times,” I opined to Jay, “People will have a negative reaction to any plans that are unconventional.”  I wasn’t bashing anyone…we have wonderful supportive friends and family.  But it is human nature to raise an eyebrow when you speak your crazy dreams aloud.

A few hours later, we were in a delightful shop, Birds and Beasleys in Helena.  Wandering about, I lingered over a bin of engraved stones.  And one caught my eye.  Between the rock that said “love” and the one that said “believe” there was one I’d never seen before.  Rather unconventional, I thought; I showed it to Jay.  It said:

Nine out of ten times

This rock may not have been crying out….but it did whisper strength to my soul.

Sail on, nor fear to breast the sea
Our hearts, our hopes, are all with thee,
Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears,
Our faith triumphant o’er our fears,
Are all with thee,–are all with thee!

From The Building of the Ship by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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