The Mother Lode

I had a friend call me today with news of a recent decision that left some tongues wagging.  “People don’t understand,” she said.  “No, they don’t,” I said.  “But I knew I’d be safe with you,” she replied.  I told her to tell the busybodies that what she does with her life is none of their damn business.  She laughed and confessed that  often times she was too nice for her own good.

I’m not writing this to declare what a wonderful confidant I am…I haven’t always been a safe person.  If she had told me her decision 20 years ago, I very likely would have been one of the wagging tongues.  (And no, this gal wasn’t planning something immoral or illegal.)

The more I am freed from the shackles of religions, the less compelled I am to share my opinion (read: judgment) with others on how they are living their life or the decisions they’ve made.  I still have plenty of opinions.  But when I start opening my big trap and offering them my opinions, I change the nature of our relationship from that of friends  to an interaction between a judge and the judged.

It doesn’t work relationally.  It just doesn’t.

The more I step back from playing judge and jury with people, the more I am free to accept people where they’re at and I hope….just love them.

The times when folks DO ask for my opinion, I will offer it.  But with the preface that it is my opinion.

On the flip side, my good friend Joanne once threatened to “come over and bitch slap” me if I didn’t get my attitude out of a free fall.   (I didn’t understand exactly what a “bitch slap” was but I complied out of sheer terror.)

She’s earned the right to speak to me like that because we are both invested in our friendship.  Not because we’re not co- participants of the latest Beth Moore Bible study and we’re helping each other toe the line but because we love each other.  It’s got to come back to love.

And THAT’S the stuff that helps people change.

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Don't be fooled by his youth...the kid's really a genius

Caleb, when he’s not making cracks about bodily functions and other typical 11-year-old boy stuff, is quite the sage.

Yesterday, while  he was pondering the meaning and purpose of life he queried, “Mom, why are video games fun?”

Ah! A learning opportunity has just alighted.  I gave him my usual  thoughtful”let’s explore this together” answer and said a la Scooby Do, “I ron’t ro.”

Caleb was undaunted and continued pondering this weighty subject when the light bulb began glowing.

“It’s because I can control other things!”

Ah, Young Grasshopper.  You are learning.

He continued, “In real life, I can only control ME.”

Oh my.  Where’s my notebook?  This kid is grasping a concept that most of the world needs to understand.

I had been thinking about this quite a bit lately while I was reading the workshop descriptions for an upcoming Homeschool conference.  Consider this description:

Five Minutes with a Darwinist: Exposing the Fluff of Evolution.  If you only had 5 minutes talking with a friend who was an evolutionist, could you quickly topple the main pillars for evolution and present a strong case for creation.

My thoughts: And this will encourage them in their spiritual journey….how????? And….How would I feel if someone referred to my tightly held convictions as “fluff”?

From my perspective, this is another attempt to use religious mechanisms to control another’s beliefs.  And religion is one of the worst perpetrators of this tactic.  (Just pray this prayer…just attend this seminar…or as I heard one dear saint say in regards to dealing with a severely handicapped child who was having a tantrum, “You need to speak to their spirit.” I’m going to bravely ask a question in regards to that last one, “What the hell does that mean?”)

But back to the conference offerings.  How about this excerpt on a writing workshop:

Writing is the quintessential skill for young people preparing to be 21st century apologists.

Oh dear.  This makes me tired just reading that.  That’s a butt load of responsibility for a kid….learning how to argue and defend on behalf of Big Guy.

True, writing and communication is probably, IMHO, one of the most important skills a child should gain in order to be successful in relationships and commerce.

But it’s back to this control thing again.   I’m not throwing rocks at these people….these are the rules I played at for a very long time.  (And still continue to struggle with.)

But here’s the deal: It’s so dang tiring trying to control everything.  And it sucks away all my energy and keeps me from what Jesus did ask me to do: Love my neighbor. Or how about having safe, loving relationships with my family?

I have seen very few believers, (myself included) who exhibit  the”joy unspeakable and full of glory” that Jesus talked about on a regular, consistent basis and I am utterly convinced it’s because we haven’t relinquished trying to control others and circumstances.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed from “Taking a Stand!” or “Pressing on!” or….eeeeeeyewwww….my pet peeve “Taking this city for Christ!!!!” I encourage you to take another look at the dynamics going on.  We talk about being a people of New Testament grace but the reality is we’re  just as busy fulfilling the law as ever.

Our mandate from God is quite simple: Love others.  His yoke is easy and his burden is light.  Jesus in a loving divine conspiracy with Papa….took care of all the rest.  And when we do need to do something, he even sent a Helper.

I’m going to pass on the apologetics workshop and I’ll save the evolution arguments for the scholars. As a matter of face, perhaps I’m considering taking up video gaming to scratch that control itch.  (After all, it IS played with a, har, CONTROLLER.)

And I am thinking that perhaps, at next year’s convention, we should book a spot for Caleb to offer a workshop.  I bet that would go over well.

In the meanwhile…If you’d like to order my new book, “15 Points on HOW to Love Your Neighbor,” (Subtitle, Easy ways to manipulate your neighbor’s behavior so you can get them to pray the sinner’s prayer and earn brownie points for yourself with God) just send $24.95 to…

I’m KIDDING…JUST KIDDING…OKAY?!

Filed under: church, church life, Personal development, The God Journey | 3 Comments »