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    theresa


    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

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Is ADHD a disease?

Posted on May 17, 2013 by therealmotherlode

Is ADHD a disease?  Nearly 10% of school aged kids will be diagnosed with, yes, what is referred to as “a disease” in America.

Here’s a few articles worth reading if you have ADHD swinging from your light fixtures.  

The first one is an article entitled Why French Kids Don’t Have ADHD.  It’s an interesting read and points out some of the cultural differences that drive the ADHD industry (or not.)  One thing I don’t necessarily agree with though is the inference that if you just control your home environment, your hyperactive wonder will settle down.  And even if you *did* have the perfect home environment, our schools and culture are a HUGE factor in facilitating gnat-like attention span.  

I’ll say it again: I don’t believe ADHD is a disease.  BUT…I do believe that some kids are wired in such away that they are at odds with box that is imposed on kids at younger and younger ages.  So to suggest that parents just do as the French….well, these parents are already grappling with enough guilt and feelings of inadequacy.  

The other article, Inventor of ADHD’s Deathbed Confession: ADHD is a Fictitious Disease caught my attention for a few different reasons.  First, the enormity of the power of social engineering that is at work.  

The other thing that never fails to take my breath away is the conflict of interest with the brains behind the DSM and their connections to big pharma.  There’s a lot of money to be made in the ADHD industry.

What do you think about these articles?

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Guidelines for homeschooling your ADHD’er

Posted on January 24, 2011 by therealmotherlode

Wondering how to homeschool your hyperactive wonder?  Please note that I did not title this “How to Homeschool Your ADHD’er.”  Anymore, “how to” articles make me nervous.  How to lose weight.  How to be happy.  How to….. Everyone person is different and while one may learn some tidbits from someone else’s journey, there is no roadmap.  No easy 1-2-3 formula.  If someone tells you else wise, they’re selling something.

Now that we got that out of the way- here’s a few things I’ve learned in homeschooling my kids, one of whom was diagnosed with ADHD many years ago.

Know your child. If you have more than one child, you can recall how different each one felt the first time you held them in your arms.  (Or moms, how about when you were pregnant with them?)  This seems like such a basic thing but yet I still hear parents say, “Well, I really don’t know what my kid likes.”  HUH?  Stop everything, clear your overloaded calendar and schedule some lavish amounts of time with your kid.  I’ll just be standing over here by the water cooler to finish our chat later.

Understand their wiring. Yeah, this is sort of a rehash of my first point.  Consider their personality traits.  Is your kid a natural leader who needs a small island nation to rule or is he more of a contemplative thinker with a heart to serve others from behind the scenes?  This is also helpful in understanding your OWN wiring!  What motivates you may not motivate your child (and it may even frustrate them.)  I urge you to check out my friend Deb’s website: My Wired Style.  It will be money well spent to use her DISC survey.  Please.  Go. Do. This.

Cultivate their strengths. This is especially important if your child is fresh from public school where the “you’re defective” message has been received loud and clear.  The aim of school is to remediate so called deficiencies so your child can fit the norm (whatever the hell that means,) so the school can measure up on the standardized tests.

Begin with the end in mind. That’s my favorite Stephen Covey axiom.  The end in mind for public schools is: Every kid must go to college.  I trust you already understand the folly of this well intended but short sighted approach.  If your kid is obsessed with Legos, see if you can’t find him a mentor in the building industry.  Is Johnny fascinated by how things work; his future may include an apprenticeship.  Is Sally a natural born sales leader?  Cultivate that important skill!  Load her up on Zig Ziglar books.  Get a real estate agent who knows how to close the deal to spend some time with her.

As you can see, these things are not rocket science.  More tomorrow!

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, College education, education, Free Range Education, homeschooling, Individuality, parenting, PDD-NOS, The Mother Lode Project | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Children from the Island of the Misfit Toys

Posted on November 29, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Does your child not “fit in?” My first response to such a situation is, “BRAVO! Your child doesn’t fit in!”
But I know that in our conformity driven culture, this is not a celebrated trait. Rather, not fitting in is a source of much angst and shame.  It’s sort of like your child is from the Island of the Misfit Toys.

And if you have a child with ADD/ADHD this issue can be more painful. These kids in particular don’t fit into any box very well and the task of “making” them comply (often by medicating them) may look good on the outside. But the message has been conveyed all too well: You are a failure. You don’t fit in. Now…go take your meds.

What should you do?

Embrace your liberty fer-crying-out-loud! Ditch the box. Let them dance. Play chef in the kitchen. Study rocketry at the age of ten. Pursue some outrageous idea.

Yes, it this will cause them to take the road less traveled. And they may not fit it very well. But this does not mean their destiny is on an isolated island with other “misfits.”

You really have no idea what exciting future will unfold for your child.

 

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, Free Range Education, Individuality, Special Needs' Kids, The Mother Lode Project | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

You are called to be an artist

Posted on August 27, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Here’s an excerpt from my favorite poem, A Psalm of Life by Longfellow.  (If you’ve received an email from you, you’ll recognize the “Lives of great men” line as I use in in my signature.)

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time ;

This poem came to mind as I was thinking of all the great people who have inspired me.  There are many- from writers to artists to musicians. And then there’s the other artists that we don’t really consider artists.   The smiling clerk who excels at customer service.  The mechanic who intuits what’s wrong with your car and fixes it at a reasonable cost. The friend with the listening ear or the compassionate mama who nurtures her babies.

Consider:

“He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here
lives a great street-sweeper who did his job well’.”
— Martin Luther King Jr.

Sadly, in our conformity driven educational models, we marginalized, (and label,)  people who aren’t strong academically.  We obsess over teaching them history when what they need is an opportunity to shine in the area of their unique strengths.

We do a great disservice to insist that every child be on track for college.  And in the process we also kill off the artist inside.

The world is robbed of the distinctive and life giving talents it so desperately needs.

True education must first begin with the question: Who am I? And from there proceed to: What are my passions? and then…What do I need to learn so I can become the best at whatever I do?

The doing flows out of the being.  What a beautiful way to watch the artist in our kids come forth.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, College education, education, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, Personal development, The Mother Lode Project | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Is ADD/ADHD fatal?

Posted on May 4, 2010 by therealmotherlode

I think that’s a reasonable question to ask since ADD/ADHD is considered a medical condition by many people.  Like other “diseases”, it has diagnostic criteria, medication protocols, support groups and a host of therapies available for the afflicted.

I know, I know.  I’ve watched too many House, M.D. episodes but the first thing that comes to my mind when I receive a diagnosis is….Is it fatal?  Is this really just dandruff or heartburn?   Or is this a symptom of some horrible auto immune disease that will lead me, flake covered and burping, to an early grave?

So what about ADD/ADHD?  I think it’s fair to ask about the mortality rate.  Of course, I’d have a hard time finding any data quantifying death by daydreaming (ADD- inattentive type) or by jiggling themselves to death. (ADHD, heavy on the “H.”)

Hopefully you realize by now I’m speaking tongue in cheek.  Of course ADD/ADHD doesn’t kill.  Not in the physical sense anyway.

But I do contend it does cause death.  Kids that are told repeatedly, from the time they’re old enough to bounce off the walls, that they are defective.  That they must sit still and pay attention.  That their handwriting’s sloppy and fer crying-out-loud, clean up this mess would ya?

There’s something that dies in a kid when they are constantly bombarded with a steady stream of negative messages.

Yes, I know living with ADD/ADHD presents some challenges.  Yes, I know they have a tough time in school. And yes, sometimes they DO need expert assistance with some of the issues.

But I’m going to say it over and over again….we need to ask ourselves how much of the “symptoms” are realized because these kids are put into an environment that is not healthy for them.

Fun useless factoid: My friend Marci hates these.

I wouldn’t expect a Russian olive tree in Montana to grow in Florida.  Nor would I expect a Royal Palm tree to survive one week in Montana’s northern climate.  They would both die.

Can't quite picture this growing atop the Continental Divide.

A typical classroom environment, something I’m not particularly nuts about anyway, is especially detriment to the child with ADD/ADHD or other learning differences.  Even the best teacher in the world has system driven limitations that impede her efforts in helping these kids.

It’s a losing proposition all the way around.

What about a different approach to their education?   How about one in which a child has the opportunity to explore their passions and direct their energies into topics they find fascinating?  What about one where teachers become facilitators and encouragers instead of test monitors and compliance police?

How different would it be if parents decided their kids were uniquely wired and a special gift to the world? (Because frequently these kids grow up and become movers and shakers.)

What if we let these kids lay down their pencils and get their hands dirty with real world education?  (Let’s face it; some of them will NEVER have decent handwriting anyway.)

I get pretty jazzed thinking about what happens in my heart when I reframe the challenges.

And instead of a “mortality” rate, ADD/ADHD could become the only “disease” process that can have an outcome of greater life and endless, wonderful possibilities.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, homeschooling, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, parenting, Personal development, Public schooling, Special Needs' Kids, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Perhaps the box is the problem

Posted on April 27, 2010 by therealmotherlode

This past week Molly and Caleb took their first ever standardized tests.  It was the TCAPs- Tennessee’s way of measuring our kids, their teachers and their school administrators.

The testing protocol was quite rigid they reported.  Don’t look around.  Pick up your pencil when told.  No coughing or nose blowing allowed.  And when you’re done- sit and wait.

Molly told me how hard it was to just sit their and stare at her desk for 30 or more minutes since she finished the tests rather quickly. And I feel bad for the teachers.  I can’t imagine that when the teachers envisioned their future as educators, this is the picture that came to mind.

What’s more disturbing to me is how we have come to accept this as normal, yea verily, even healthy for the kids.

High performance on a standardized test is no indicator of future success.  But yet in all the smoke and mirrors and gobbly gook of academic yabber, we’re led to believe this is a good thing.

True indicators of success include: Perseverance, good relationship skills, curiosity and resourcefulness.  Stuff that can never be quantified on a test.

This compelling desire to box up our children and quantify them like some sort of factory widget has been around for a long time.

Theodoris Van Gogh had this perspective.  He felt that if his son didn’t fit the mold…his son was the problem, not the mold. Tsk, tsk.  I’m grateful his boy followed his heart; how about you?

Do you suppose Vincent would have done well on the TCAPs?

Hey! Be sure and join Deb Ingino and I for a chat about learning differences THIS THURSDAY at 9:00 pm cst.  Cut and paste the link in the right sidebar for all the info.  We’re going to have a lot of fun!

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, parenting, Public schooling, Special Needs' Kids, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Suffering from ADD

Posted on April 12, 2010 by therealmotherlode

I have a friend who knows I write about learning differences and ADD/ADHD and she asked my opinion on a matter.  How could she encourage her friend who struggles mightily with ADD?  (“She suffers with ADD,” is how she put it.)

A successful person to one looking on the outside, this is a grown woman with a professional career and a family.  But my friend was privy to the bouts of depression and lack of motivation that overwhelm her at times.  I never really thought of ADD as an affliction one suffers but yes indeed….it can be.  And it can affect the whole family.

Now, since my area of expertise lies only in having my own opinion that is all I can offer.  But here’s what I told my friend.

If you ask the medical people and read, you’ll find the general consensus is that yes, depression can be a component of ADD/ADHD.  And some of the challenges can be incapacitating…disorganization, lack of ability to follow through on things, etc.

Being married to an ADD spouse and having a son with ADHD, I am well-acquainted with the challenges.

So I mentioned the usual advice:

Education.  A supportive spouse.  Practical tools that are helpful. (I knew one family that used a white board to keep hubby on track.  The man was a brilliant electrician but would forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on.)

Maintaining good health. We all know exercise releases those feel good endorphins, right?

Support groups…cognitive therapy….medication if needed.

So blah, blah, blah…you’ve read all that stuff before right?  I have some other thoughts.

ADD/ADHD is not a mental illness.  It’s not a disability.  It’s a brain wiring issue that presents special challenges….and special abilities.  And yeah, meds can be helpful but I think they are far, far over utilized.  And I think if a person needs counseling for ADD/ADHD….there’s probably something else going.

I observed a long time ago that the kids I met with ADD/ADHD were among the brightest kids I’d ever met.  But their low self esteem was by far their biggest “handicap.”  These are square peg kids being told to fit into the round hole all throughout their school years.

The conformity based educational models we have is SO damaging to kids with ADD/ADHD.

So what do these kids end up doing?  They end up growing into adults…who, despite years of round hole training…..are still square pegs.  And they’re still trying to fit in.

I’d be depressed too.

It’s important for anyone to know what makes them tick.

What are my passions?  Likes and dislikes? What makes me come alive?  How is my brain wired?  Do I like details or am I a bottom line person who shoots first and asks questions later? What sort of environment do I work well in? Do I get bored easily and need variety in my work?

Plato packaged it up quite nicely: Know thyself.

For the person with ADD/ADHD I think those questions are more imperative.

I wouldn’t plant a palm tree in Montana and nor would I expect a hardly Russian Olive tree from Montana to flourish in the Caribbean.  The environment just isn’t right.

It’s no different for an individual.  Finding the right environment where one can flourish is everything.  How much more important is this for the adult with ADD/ADHD?

I love reading biographies of explorers, great thinkers, movers and shakers.  One thing almost all of them have in common is the tendency to get bored easily and the need to shake things up regularly.  (I usually have such people diagnosed by the time I finish the first chapter of these books.)

Frank Hurley, photographer for the Endurance expedition, 1914. Can you picture someone like this sitting at a desk job?

What distinguishes these people versus the one suffering with ADD/ADHD?

I believe the difference is….these people are connected with who they are….and they embrace their uniqueness.  ADD/ADHD and all.

I don’t know that these thoughts will help my friend encourage her friend.  And I don’t mean to oversimplify or understate this woman’s pain.

We humans are a wondrous lot….full of amazing qualities with generous doses of dysfunction thrown in to keep life interesting.

But I am convinced that many of the difficulties we encounter in life is because we don’t take the time to understand how we were made and the sort of environment it takes for us to thrive.  And most importantly, how loved we are.

I hope this lady can find the hope and encouragement to embrace who she is…ADD and the special gifts it brings…and flourish in doing so.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, Individuality, Personal development | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

The Horse Boy

Posted on September 9, 2009 by therealmotherlode

41Y0jZW4hzL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_You know a book has to intrigue me when I buy a hard back copy.  (Okay, so I bought it at Costco so I’m not a *complete* tight wad.)

This is the story of Rupert Isaacson and his crazy vision to travel to Mongolia to consult with shamans to heal his son of autism.  (And yes, I see that evangelical hand wave furiously in the back to tell me how demonic this all is….settle down for a minute and listen, okay?)

This book touched me on so many levels.  While our trials were no where near the intensity the Isaacsons dealt with….it still brought back plenty of memories. (Having a high energy toddler with Sensory Integration issues is no walk in the park.)

And I remembered all too well the frustration of wishing my boy would just play with a normal toy….not a circuit board.  Wondering if I could get through a store without an obsessive trip to see the potties.

I found their story absolutely gripping.  It is a love story in its purest form….a parent’s battle for their child.  I appreciated Ru’s candor and transparency in talking about the raw emotions of dealing with a kid for whom tantruming was a part of life.

Kristin, his wife, and also a practicing Buddhist…inspired me with her perspective on “self-compassion”.   (You’ll just have to read it for yourself.  It’s on page 64. ;) )

I know, I know…you’re asking…so DID their son, Rowan, get healed of his autism?    I won’t make you wait….the answer is….

Sort of.

He had amazing improvements in certain areas.  But again…here’s where I loved their perspective.  Ru differentiates between a “healing” and a “cure”.    These wise parents were able to look past some of the challenges that Rowan has an autistic child….and see some of the amazing gifting he possesses.  (One of which is the ability to connect with animals on a very deep level.)

To have him completely cured would remove that gifting.

I know for me I had a real turning point when I realized that the challenges we were dealing with in Daniel….were simply part of the package that he came with.  I remember asking God to heal Daniel….and the whisper I heard oh so clearly in reply was, “I made him that way.”

Theories abound as to why autism is on the rise.  Environmental? Vaccines?  Increase in diagnosis?  Maybe a little of it all.

It beats me.  The theories are best left to people far smarter than I.

But I do know that kids with differences offer opportunities to see the world in new ways….and as illustrated by the Rowan’s parents….a peek into the depths of love’s beauty and devotion.

Sort of reminds me of another story…

PS Get more info on their ongoing work to help autistic kids using equine therapy here.

theresa_sig

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, Labels are for Soup Cans, parenting, PDD-NOS, Personal development, Special Needs' Kids | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

ADOS/My simple theology (which some may find offensive)

Posted on March 18, 2009 by therealmotherlode

adosThat button about says it all, doesn’t it?  (For my over 40 friends who misplaced their reading glasses it reads: Attention Deficit…..oooooo Shiny!

There’s a LOT of that going on around here and I don’t think it’s merely an ADD/ADHD sort of thing. ( Have noticed the insanity that reigns in our culture?)

And now for today’s theological lesson: Crap Happens.

I’ve been talking to a friend who is dealing with the possibility of getting laid off shortly.  And of course there are plenty of people (well meaning) who are saying “God’s just opening another door for you.”  Or “When God shuts a door he opens a window.”  (I have trouble writing that last one out without hurling.)

How about this little sign I read the other day “Faith is not believing that God CAN but that God WILL.”

God will what?  Raise you from your cancer sick bed?  Deposit funds in your checking account to cover that bouncy-bouncy?  Restore the relationship with your estranged mom?  Heal your lifestyle induced health issues?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury I contend: Crap Happens.  People die, kids get hurt, people suffer and politicians continue to be politicians.  And like I was telling my friend, in today’s economic climate there’s a lot of Crap Happening.

The problem I have with this theology is the fact that it bases my relationship with God on what he can do for me.  And when he doesn’t preform like I think he should, it shakes my foundation ( if that foundation’s basis is what he can do for me.)  (I also find it curious how we want God to fix messes that WE get our own darn selves into.)

It’s pretty shaky ground.  He has given us free will and it is the blessing and the curse of our humanity.  Especially when someone else’s freewill negatively impacts you.

Can God fix things with a snap of his Almighty fingers….Absolutely!  Do miracles happen?  Yep!  But when we base are perception of him on his seen interventions (or rather, lack of them) the stage is set for some pretty bitter disappointment.

I like my theology, Crap Happens.  While Bible scholars can thump out Scriptures for or against my theology, it frees me to just rest.  And learn to walk with Him when….well, you know….when Crap Happens.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, Spirituality, Stress and worry | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Do hens go to egg laying school?

Posted on January 29, 2009 by therealmotherlode

Yep, I know silly question.  Such is my brain to ponder random questions.  Of course hens don’t have to learn how to lay eggs….they’re hens!  The doing arises from their being.

Same for our kids.  We spend so much time insisting that they DO things before we’ve evaluated WHO is my child?  But yet in our culture,  conformity is the rule of the day.  All children must meet THESE standards and if they don’t….they’re defective.  And we must remedy their weaknesses!

Bear with my cheeky assumptions for a moment, would you?  As an adult, would you pursue a hobby you have no interest in?  Let’s say the rage du jour is underwater basket weaving.  But you have no interest in underwater basket weaving.  You see no relevance to your life.  And besides, you’re a crackerjack automechanic or mathmetician and you think it’s underwater basket weaving is stupid.

But you MUST attend class. So you show up  and you’re quickly singled out as having an attitude problem.  And doggone it, you just can’t seem to get it right.  You’ve quickly diagnosed as having a learning delay in basketology.  Experts are consulted and labels are generously given.  And remedial course are recommended.  After all, everyone else is doing just fine.  They even enjoy underwater basket weaving. 

And there you are.  Your shop business is falling off because you’re so focused on that tricky weaving.  No longer do words like “integers” and “quadratic equation” make your heart skip a beat because that pool time is getting so tiresome.  (Ahem–that would TRULY be a sickness, IMHO.)

Back to the kids.  Yes, there are skill every child must learn and master to succeed in the world.  (Pssst….and here’s a hint, the most important ones AREN’T academic.)  For us, Caleb will probably need higher maths because of his interest in astronomy.  But we will force feed percentages  and business math to Daniel as he’d rather be reinventing the wheel. 

What I WILL not do…I absolutely REFUSE to do is target in on the weaknesses which will have little or no impact on their lives.  So Daniel doesn’t appreciate a Van Gogh the same way I do.  Big deal.  And Molly would rather bake cookies that study rocket science. 

But let’s take this a little deeper.  I have one friend who’s daughter struggles with dyscalculia.  It’s sort of like dyslexia…only with numbers.  Year after year, drill after drill….this girl (who is an amazing writer, btw) just couldn’t retain her math facts. 

Mom finally decided it was calculator time.  She wasn’t going to make a big fuss out it.  She’s done what she could and has made accomodations accordingly.

Mom wisely knew how to focus on her daughter’s gifting and, after not a small amount of hand wringing I’m sure, quit fretting over an area that she will likely never excel in.  (Shhhhh….don’t tell anyone but I keep a small calculator in my purse.)

This is way too long, I know.  But the other day, a friend send this blog post to me that I thought was a brilliant summary of what I’m blabbering about.  And these folks, neurologists, have the right initials after their names to give credibility beyond what I, a bear of little brain, am able to substantiate.

Here’s their link and then I’ve cut and pasted one entry.  Pay special attention to the words in bold.

http://eideneurolearningblog.blogspot.com/
Brain morphometric studies showed that Einstein had more natural brain endowment for spatial processing (and less for verbal). That’s why his time in the patent office (spatial problem solving through inventions) and spatial thinking were so beneficial in his early and most famous work. We also have talked about Einstein’s Fallacy however. Later in life in the academic pressure cooker Einstein began feeling pressure to do more proofs for his work (algebraic). He threw himself into this process – but as a result never had any substantial contributions from it. In many cases, a willful choice to devote one’s lifes work and efforts to strengthen one’s weakest abilities will be a waste of time. Some remediation may be helpful for getting by, but for the greatest fruition of one’s natural abilities, it’s better to ride the wave of what one has been gifted with at the start.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, homeschooling, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, parenting, Personal development | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

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