I was whining about my shin splint rehab to my friend Sheryl the other day when she mentioned a new fitness tool: Kettlebells.
“Kettle Bags?” I responded. “You mean those things the Salvation Army uses…”
“No, KettleBELLS,” she replied patiently, she knows I’m a little slow sometimes. Sheryl would make a good therapist.
I watched a short video of men squatting and grunting while swinging, their, um, Kettlebells, between their legs. Eeeeeeyooooouuuuuu. There will no Kettlebells ringing in my future.
I poured myself some Diet Coke and and kept looking until I stumbled across something that really grabbed my attention:
Bulgarian Power Bag
Unleash the mental/physical potential within you!
I’m all about unleashing potential. I scrutinized the buff young man wearing a very tight tee-shirt emblazoned with a fluorescent hammer and sickle. Some Russian militant music was playing and I set down my Diet Coke. This fitness stuff is serious business!
The web copy read:
The Bulgarian Training Bag is the ultimate extreme fitness tool for both serious Olympic caliber athletes and the average fitness enthusiast. If your (sic) looking for a method of training that maximizes your strength, muscular endurance, cardiovascular fitness, mobility, and overall explosiveness then continue to read.
Explosiveness, overall or even isolated events of such, is something I generally try to avoid but I kept reading…
The shape of the bag is designed to allow for both upper and lower body training while emphasizing grip strength at all times. The three different types of handles allow the athletes to execute exercises by using different grips. Every size bag and weight can be identified by the different colors of the strap handle.
I considered the assortment of eco-friendly bags from Aldi, Wal-Mart, among others, in the back of my Odyssey. I continued…
The Bag strengthens and increases your muscular endurance of your grip, wrists, arms, shoulders, back, legs, rotational muscles, core musculature, coordination, proprioception and overall shoulder and joint mobility.
Wow! I was getting jazzed imagining my new chiseled body. Now if could replace my Leno Chin Toning Workout, I’d be a happy camper.
Yeah, baby!
But then I read what was in that bag:
Sandbags, rice, bales, sacks loaded with hemp, heavy stones and war clubs were all used for the development of strength….
Why…why….That sounds like a trip to Wally World! (Note to self: bring your war club next time.) And it was then my new idea began to coalesce:
Introducing the Wal-Mart Power Bag workout!
Do you feel the burn?
(Added bonus- car keys in mouth adds helps with chin toning.) I can hardly wait to tell Sheryl about my new discovery.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a some videos to upload on Youtube.
Filed under: humor, The Mother Lode column | Tagged: Bulgarian Power Bags, humor, kettlebells, Mother Lode column, Mother Lode humor | 4 Comments »
