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    theresa


    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

    Curious? Want to know more? Read on ...

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Conform! Comply! Die.

Posted on June 27, 2009 by therealmotherlode

I’ve long contended that most people shut down and die sometime between 5th and 8th grade. Those middle school years, in my opinion, are when the pressures to conform are greatest. Hormones are surging and the sorting process that takes place through the mechanism of institutionalized schooling is becoming more apparent.

God forbid you should stand out and be different. Shut up, color in the lines and be on time. Any differences are promptly met with ridicule or a label.

Being an equal opportunity critic…I find the institutional church is just as guilty in its propagating compliance and conformity- only we dress it up with spiritual sounding words like “submission” and “Who’s your covering?”

We are taught to blend in and not rock the boat and then to police others to do the same. (Read: CONTROL.) I’ve conformed and you should too. God forbid I live in my misery alone. What a fantasy! What a recipe for a frustrated life.

This wicked mixture of conformity and the false notion that we can control others leads to death. Death of dreams, passions and our precious God-given individuality. And the greatest tragedy—death to relationships.

Lately, I’ve been listening to some music that is outside my usual genre of country or classical. One song that was popular when I was a kid was Pink Floyd’s “Brick in the Wall” and right now….I’m listening over and over again to Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life.”

It’s the kind of music that was labeled as rebellious. Or as a believer in later years, “devil” music. (I always joke with Jay about how he loves his devil music.)

I find it a curious study to consider the music that appeals to kids. Granted, I’ve never really enjoyed heavy rock music but if one is open minded enough to read the lyrics, you may find your pulse quickening just a bit as you recall the dreams and emotions of being a kid again and the thrill of looking forward to the open highway of your life.

Children know intuitively that we were created for freedom. And as adults we go through life distracted and busy. I think we’re afraid to slow down long enough to confront the reality that, somewhere along the line, something died. Like a nervous housewife, you can smell the stench but you want someone else to deal with the dead mouse in the trap or simply hope it will just go away. (And get on some powerful anti-stench pills to dull your sense of smell so you don’t notice it as badly.)

To the brave young people that have been labeled and ridiculed in schools….

To the hungry church goers that feel “there must be something more”,,,,

You were created for freedom. And created to be loved. It’s your life.

Filed under: church, church life, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, Personal development, Public schooling, Spirituality | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Those blasted boxes!

Posted on September 28, 2008 by therealmotherlode

Jay read to me from a book he is reading entitled, “Lust for Life” and it’s on the life of Van Gogh.  Van Gogh’s past is fascinating.  It took him a while to sort things out before his artistic brilliance took center stage.

One of his obstacles on his road to self-discovery was his dad.  His dad was frustrated with Vincent because he never lived up to his expectations.  The book said, “If his son didn’t fit the mold, it was his son that was wrong and not the mold.”

That message is spoken to many kids everyday in classrooms and in homeschools.  Not that directly of course.  It sounds more like, “Get good grades so you can get a good job.” Or-”Honey, I’m glad you like painting(or singing or reading books or fill-in-the-blank)  but you NEED TO BE PRACTICAL.” Or how about this one- “Why don’t you quit dreaming and be realistic?”

This is especially true for kids with a different bent.

The rate of ADHD is on the rise according to folks who keep track of these things.  I can’t help but wonder if it’s on the rise because the boxes we insist upon keep getting smaller and smaller.  (Hello?   No Child Left Behind?)  (And remember a lot of the diagnostic criteria for ADD/ADHD is satisfied chiefly in a school setting.)

Ditch the box and discover the wonderful world of exploration and freedom.  I can’t think of a more wonderful adventure to enjoy with my kids.

PS Jay and I had an idea yesterday while drooling over all the magazines at Borders.  We’re going to start bringing the kids down their regularly and insist they pick out a magazine on something  unfamiliar that stirs their interest and curiosity.  (Ahem—with limitations of course. ;) )

Filed under: homeschooling, Individuality | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Can I homeschool my special needs child?

Posted on August 27, 2008 by therealmotherlode

Probably not.  Unless of course you wish to invite a boatload of stress into your home.  Not to mention the expertise and evaluations required.  I mean—let’s be real now.  You’re just a mom.

Yes, you heard right.  Now let me clarify.  We educate our children at home….including the young man who had a string of diagnosis’ behind his name.

There is a huge difference between trying to recreate the institution we call “school” and educating your children.  And when you have a child with learning differences or disabilities..you are on a fast track to burnout if you’re trying to replicate a public school classroom.

Why do I believe this?  Because I believe the classroom setting is particularly destructive to boys that have an ADD/ADHD diagnosis.  To me it’s about as ridiculous as insisting that a fish should climb trees.

True education must begin by asking yourself Who did God create my child to be?  And then by giving your child the freedom to explore his interests….not trying to squeeze him into a one-size-fits-nobody box.

Christopher Paolini, the home educated boy wonder from my home state of Montana, said it best in a recent article in the Costco Connection magazine.  (Paolini penned the wildly popular “Eragon” and will release the third book in his trilogy this month.)

Referring to how his parents made endless trips to the library to allow him and his sister to indulge their interests he said,

“This [kind of learning] ultimately leads to an attitude where you’re not afraid to pursue your interests.  It’s very liberating whe you realize that you don’t need other people to tell you how to do something.  If you want to learn woodcarving,well, you can go get books and teach yourself woodcarving.  Or physics.  Or math.  Or whatever the subject may be.”

If his parents were busy doing “school” I’d bet the farm that this remarkable young man would not be enjoying the level of success he is experiencing.  The doing’s got to come out of the being.  Paolini’s parents understood this.

Good on you!

Filed under: homeschooling, Individuality | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Massive dumbness

Posted on August 25, 2008 by therealmotherlode

The other day I went to a chop shop to restore my “natural” hair color. The little gal doing my hair was young, in her early 20s. We did the usual chit-chat stuff—what’s your name, yadda, yadda, yadda.

“So what are you hobbies?” I asked.

“Oh, current events,” she replied. Wowsers, I thought, maybe we’ll have a substantive conversation.

“….you know…like who’s divorcing who and what the latest stars are wearing….” Her face broke into a horsey grin and while she half snorted and laughed. “I’ve gotta know what’s going on,” she said.

My train of though abruptly derailed. And in an instant, I felt I had entered Bozo the Clown world.

I’ll grant her this, she knew how to talk with her customers. She prattled on while I watched myself transformed into a goo-covered creature. By the time she was finished she was talking about her favorite programs and asked me if I watched some particular program on TV.

Nope, never heard of it, I said.

She mentioned some more programs.

I smiled and admitted we don’t watch a lot of TV.

This really flummoxed her. “What do you DO?” she asked.

I nodded toward the book I had placed on the counter. (I never go anywhere without a book.) “I read,” I said.

She stood back, her gloved hands frozen in mid air. Her head cocked to the side for a moment and she regarded me quizzically. A Barney song began to play in my mind. (The more we get together, together, together…)

She finished covering my gray and I smiled and said, “I guess it’s time to marinate, huh?”

Confusion spread across her face. “The dye…you know, processing time….”

“Uh-huh.” She gave a weak smile.

She walked away and I picked up my book, a John Taylor Gatto book entitled, “A New Kind of Teacher.”

I flipped open to my book mark and I’m not kidding you….the top of the paragraph started with, “There is massive dumbness….” He went on to talk about the automaton masses, the unthinking, the unthinking who only think prethought thoughts.

Good Lawd. Was this like, wowsers, some sort of an acid trip. I closed the book and looked at the other gals in the shop. One was preening in the mirror. Another was talking about her weekend plans. This was much, much worse than the twilight zone because this was real.

It’s not that this trip to the hairdressers was much different than any other transactions I experience daily. Dulled clerks, the simple, the hope-less. But to have it addressed so simply and brilliantly floored me.

Massive dumbness is everywhere. And this sweet little gal who was doing my hair had a platinum-level membership in it. In visiting with her I learned that her tender young age she was in the process of divorcing her husband of 2 years. (“It’s no big deal,” she said with a shrug.)

She tends bar on the weekends and thinks that Hilary Clinton “doesn’t have enough ambition in life.”

I wondered what great potential was locked up in this young lady and what it would take to awaken her.

Like John Taylor Gatto, I believe genius is as common as dirt but because so many are engrossed arguing over the merits of Pepsi vs. Coke and reading People magazine, that genius will only lie dormant in most people.

She finished my hair and I gave her a generous tip while telling her that she had a good eye for hair. She smiled.

She was anxious to get home. Her program was starting in a few.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

Is ADD/ADHD real?

Posted on August 23, 2008 by therealmotherlode

If want a sure and swift way to finish off life on planet earth as we know it, just pit the “ADD/ADHD is a real mental health affliction” crowd against the “ADD/ADHD is a fake diagnosis fabricated by a massive pharmaceutical conspiracy” crowd and watch the fun begin. (From a safe distance that is.)

ADD/ADHD’s reality…or not…is hotly contested by some pretty impressive people, many with initials after their names.  In perusing the website for CHADD (Children and Adults with ADD) I read a blog in which it was stated that Michael Savage was blasting away at the validity of ADD on one of his shows.  (I think he blasts away at whatever he talks about, actually.)

I personally don’t care for Michael Savage’s vitriolic style.  But I can sympathize to a certain extent over what I feel is a LOT of diagnosing.  But I will say this….may that man find himself in a room full of true ADHD’ers and we’ll see who comes out a believer.

So where do I stand?  Yes.  And no.  Yes….it is real.  And no….you can keep your crummy title to yourself, thank you very much.  How’s that for ambiguous?

I’m not trying to be cheeky.  I’m of the opinion that ADD/ADHD, only called that since the early 80′s when it received it’s official “it’s a disorder” certification in the land of medicine, isn’t a disorder as much as a learning style/creative genius gift.  And yes, for some, it does create some very real challenges.  Welcome to life.

And I think it’s “prevalence” is wildly on the increase as our educational models become more machine like.  Programs like the ridiculous “No Child Left Behind” only serve to further alienate and stigmatize those whose creative bent and learning styles don’t fit well in an institution.

I’m also of the opinion that boys in particular have an internal, God-given (delicate readers, look away- I’m about to use a cuss word) Bullshit meters that cause a major resistance to learning twaddle and irrelevant jibber-jabber.  We should be thanking God for this natural grounding but instead Johnny’s scolded because he’s not paying attention in school.

Do you spend your free time pursuing subjects you loathe?  Do you hang out with people that irritate you on the weekends? (Family not included, that is. ;) ) Do enjoy spending hours organizing paper clips?

Hopefully, you’ve answered “no” to those questions.  But yet for thousands of children everyday…this is their life when they trudge off to the school bus at 6:30 in the morning to spend the day studying things they hate, with people they dislike, doing irrelevant busy work.

But it’s school!  I can hear those cries of protest. That’s what children DO!

Yep.  And look where that’s gotten us.  90 some percent of Americans hate their jobs.  Our prison populations are swelling.  And for that matter…so has our girth.  We’re one of the most highly “Schooled” countries in the world…and yet we consistently lag beyond other industrialized countries.  When will the educational “experts” learn the difference between schooling and education?

Something’s wrong with this picture and my contention is—it ain’t that wiggly boy sitting in the desk.

Filed under: homeschooling | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

School’s in session so put that book down!

Posted on August 19, 2008 by therealmotherlode

My college career was stunning.  I’ve attended five schools….and dropped out of four of them.  I pulled off graduating from Practical Nursing school through sheer grit.  Oh, not because I’m weak academically I just remember a defining moment in my education when I had a patient look at me with saucer eyes and exclaim, “You’re going to put WHAT?  WHERE?!”  It dawned on me then that my medical interests are best left read about.

So when I read a huge report in today’s Tennessean about “Saving our Schools” and an article on the Drudge Report about a school in Los Angeles with a whopping 58% drop out rate, it touches a nerve with me.

Education, as we call it….is woefully inadequate.  To quote a favorite among home educators: “Education is not the filling of a bucket but a lighting of the fire” W.B. Yeats.

Children are not generic individuals that you can simply set on the assembly line of “school” and expect them to come out as successful individuals at the end of 12 years.

For me, I consider my own journey.  I was an adequate student but more than once, I hid paperbacks behind the school texts because my passion was reading…not whatever it was the teacher was droning on about.  I recall typing class was spent trying to rewrite familiar poems into a parody.

Looking back, I realize that who I am was reflected….but redirected into getting my bucket filled, as it were.  My passions were systematically shut down and my aimlessness of what I wanted to be in life is certainly indicated by my college track record.

And now, here I sit, 44 years old and just now getting comfortable with the skin I’m wearing.

So I contend that education must first and foremost begin….and be absolutely obsessed with….by allowing a student to first look within themselves and allow their individuality to blossom and grow.

And lemme tell you that as a mom this is not an easy task.  It’s much easier to pull out the curriculum in a box and recreate “school” at my kitchen table.

Instead, I must force myself to ask the question, “Who did God create my child to be?” and focus on that.  What they’ll do will stem from that and dictate the direction their education is to take.

So how does that break down into the practical?

For Daniel—his bent is electricity and plumbing.  At first opportunity, we’ll get him apprenticed out.

Molly is a gifted writer and cartoonist.  She is presently working on her first book that we will self-publish.  She is also mom’s copy editor when I write a new column.

Caleb is an imaginative boy who leans towards sports.  But he’s also a deep thinker and I suspect he could end up in a laboratory somewhere splitting atoms.

It is from here that I consider how their education needs to unfold in addition to the fundamentals of reading, writing and math.

If you’re telling your kid to “put that book down” so they can learn….may I challenge you to reconsider your words?

You will discover a whole new appreciation for that little miracle you call your son or daughter.

Filed under: Individuality | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

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