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    theresa


    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

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You are called to be an artist

Posted on August 27, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Here’s an excerpt from my favorite poem, A Psalm of Life by Longfellow.  (If you’ve received an email from you, you’ll recognize the “Lives of great men” line as I use in in my signature.)

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time ;

This poem came to mind as I was thinking of all the great people who have inspired me.  There are many- from writers to artists to musicians. And then there’s the other artists that we don’t really consider artists.   The smiling clerk who excels at customer service.  The mechanic who intuits what’s wrong with your car and fixes it at a reasonable cost. The friend with the listening ear or the compassionate mama who nurtures her babies.

Consider:

“He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here
lives a great street-sweeper who did his job well’.”
— Martin Luther King Jr.

Sadly, in our conformity driven educational models, we marginalized, (and label,)  people who aren’t strong academically.  We obsess over teaching them history when what they need is an opportunity to shine in the area of their unique strengths.

We do a great disservice to insist that every child be on track for college.  And in the process we also kill off the artist inside.

The world is robbed of the distinctive and life giving talents it so desperately needs.

True education must first begin with the question: Who am I? And from there proceed to: What are my passions? and then…What do I need to learn so I can become the best at whatever I do?

The doing flows out of the being.  What a beautiful way to watch the artist in our kids come forth.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, College education, education, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, Personal development, The Mother Lode Project | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Is ADD/ADHD fatal?

Posted on May 4, 2010 by therealmotherlode

I think that’s a reasonable question to ask since ADD/ADHD is considered a medical condition by many people.  Like other “diseases”, it has diagnostic criteria, medication protocols, support groups and a host of therapies available for the afflicted.

I know, I know.  I’ve watched too many House, M.D. episodes but the first thing that comes to my mind when I receive a diagnosis is….Is it fatal?  Is this really just dandruff or heartburn?   Or is this a symptom of some horrible auto immune disease that will lead me, flake covered and burping, to an early grave?

So what about ADD/ADHD?  I think it’s fair to ask about the mortality rate.  Of course, I’d have a hard time finding any data quantifying death by daydreaming (ADD- inattentive type) or by jiggling themselves to death. (ADHD, heavy on the “H.”)

Hopefully you realize by now I’m speaking tongue in cheek.  Of course ADD/ADHD doesn’t kill.  Not in the physical sense anyway.

But I do contend it does cause death.  Kids that are told repeatedly, from the time they’re old enough to bounce off the walls, that they are defective.  That they must sit still and pay attention.  That their handwriting’s sloppy and fer crying-out-loud, clean up this mess would ya?

There’s something that dies in a kid when they are constantly bombarded with a steady stream of negative messages.

Yes, I know living with ADD/ADHD presents some challenges.  Yes, I know they have a tough time in school. And yes, sometimes they DO need expert assistance with some of the issues.

But I’m going to say it over and over again….we need to ask ourselves how much of the “symptoms” are realized because these kids are put into an environment that is not healthy for them.

Fun useless factoid: My friend Marci hates these.

I wouldn’t expect a Russian olive tree in Montana to grow in Florida.  Nor would I expect a Royal Palm tree to survive one week in Montana’s northern climate.  They would both die.

Can't quite picture this growing atop the Continental Divide.

A typical classroom environment, something I’m not particularly nuts about anyway, is especially detriment to the child with ADD/ADHD or other learning differences.  Even the best teacher in the world has system driven limitations that impede her efforts in helping these kids.

It’s a losing proposition all the way around.

What about a different approach to their education?   How about one in which a child has the opportunity to explore their passions and direct their energies into topics they find fascinating?  What about one where teachers become facilitators and encouragers instead of test monitors and compliance police?

How different would it be if parents decided their kids were uniquely wired and a special gift to the world? (Because frequently these kids grow up and become movers and shakers.)

What if we let these kids lay down their pencils and get their hands dirty with real world education?  (Let’s face it; some of them will NEVER have decent handwriting anyway.)

I get pretty jazzed thinking about what happens in my heart when I reframe the challenges.

And instead of a “mortality” rate, ADD/ADHD could become the only “disease” process that can have an outcome of greater life and endless, wonderful possibilities.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, homeschooling, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, parenting, Personal development, Public schooling, Special Needs' Kids, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Perhaps the box is the problem

Posted on April 27, 2010 by therealmotherlode

This past week Molly and Caleb took their first ever standardized tests.  It was the TCAPs- Tennessee’s way of measuring our kids, their teachers and their school administrators.

The testing protocol was quite rigid they reported.  Don’t look around.  Pick up your pencil when told.  No coughing or nose blowing allowed.  And when you’re done- sit and wait.

Molly told me how hard it was to just sit their and stare at her desk for 30 or more minutes since she finished the tests rather quickly. And I feel bad for the teachers.  I can’t imagine that when the teachers envisioned their future as educators, this is the picture that came to mind.

What’s more disturbing to me is how we have come to accept this as normal, yea verily, even healthy for the kids.

High performance on a standardized test is no indicator of future success.  But yet in all the smoke and mirrors and gobbly gook of academic yabber, we’re led to believe this is a good thing.

True indicators of success include: Perseverance, good relationship skills, curiosity and resourcefulness.  Stuff that can never be quantified on a test.

This compelling desire to box up our children and quantify them like some sort of factory widget has been around for a long time.

Theodoris Van Gogh had this perspective.  He felt that if his son didn’t fit the mold…his son was the problem, not the mold. Tsk, tsk.  I’m grateful his boy followed his heart; how about you?

Do you suppose Vincent would have done well on the TCAPs?

Hey! Be sure and join Deb Ingino and I for a chat about learning differences THIS THURSDAY at 9:00 pm cst.  Cut and paste the link in the right sidebar for all the info.  We’re going to have a lot of fun!

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, education, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, parenting, Public schooling, Special Needs' Kids, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Suffering from ADD

Posted on April 12, 2010 by therealmotherlode

I have a friend who knows I write about learning differences and ADD/ADHD and she asked my opinion on a matter.  How could she encourage her friend who struggles mightily with ADD?  (“She suffers with ADD,” is how she put it.)

A successful person to one looking on the outside, this is a grown woman with a professional career and a family.  But my friend was privy to the bouts of depression and lack of motivation that overwhelm her at times.  I never really thought of ADD as an affliction one suffers but yes indeed….it can be.  And it can affect the whole family.

Now, since my area of expertise lies only in having my own opinion that is all I can offer.  But here’s what I told my friend.

If you ask the medical people and read, you’ll find the general consensus is that yes, depression can be a component of ADD/ADHD.  And some of the challenges can be incapacitating…disorganization, lack of ability to follow through on things, etc.

Being married to an ADD spouse and having a son with ADHD, I am well-acquainted with the challenges.

So I mentioned the usual advice:

Education.  A supportive spouse.  Practical tools that are helpful. (I knew one family that used a white board to keep hubby on track.  The man was a brilliant electrician but would forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on.)

Maintaining good health. We all know exercise releases those feel good endorphins, right?

Support groups…cognitive therapy….medication if needed.

So blah, blah, blah…you’ve read all that stuff before right?  I have some other thoughts.

ADD/ADHD is not a mental illness.  It’s not a disability.  It’s a brain wiring issue that presents special challenges….and special abilities.  And yeah, meds can be helpful but I think they are far, far over utilized.  And I think if a person needs counseling for ADD/ADHD….there’s probably something else going.

I observed a long time ago that the kids I met with ADD/ADHD were among the brightest kids I’d ever met.  But their low self esteem was by far their biggest “handicap.”  These are square peg kids being told to fit into the round hole all throughout their school years.

The conformity based educational models we have is SO damaging to kids with ADD/ADHD.

So what do these kids end up doing?  They end up growing into adults…who, despite years of round hole training…..are still square pegs.  And they’re still trying to fit in.

I’d be depressed too.

It’s important for anyone to know what makes them tick.

What are my passions?  Likes and dislikes? What makes me come alive?  How is my brain wired?  Do I like details or am I a bottom line person who shoots first and asks questions later? What sort of environment do I work well in? Do I get bored easily and need variety in my work?

Plato packaged it up quite nicely: Know thyself.

For the person with ADD/ADHD I think those questions are more imperative.

I wouldn’t plant a palm tree in Montana and nor would I expect a hardly Russian Olive tree from Montana to flourish in the Caribbean.  The environment just isn’t right.

It’s no different for an individual.  Finding the right environment where one can flourish is everything.  How much more important is this for the adult with ADD/ADHD?

I love reading biographies of explorers, great thinkers, movers and shakers.  One thing almost all of them have in common is the tendency to get bored easily and the need to shake things up regularly.  (I usually have such people diagnosed by the time I finish the first chapter of these books.)

Frank Hurley, photographer for the Endurance expedition, 1914. Can you picture someone like this sitting at a desk job?

What distinguishes these people versus the one suffering with ADD/ADHD?

I believe the difference is….these people are connected with who they are….and they embrace their uniqueness.  ADD/ADHD and all.

I don’t know that these thoughts will help my friend encourage her friend.  And I don’t mean to oversimplify or understate this woman’s pain.

We humans are a wondrous lot….full of amazing qualities with generous doses of dysfunction thrown in to keep life interesting.

But I am convinced that many of the difficulties we encounter in life is because we don’t take the time to understand how we were made and the sort of environment it takes for us to thrive.  And most importantly, how loved we are.

I hope this lady can find the hope and encouragement to embrace who she is…ADD and the special gifts it brings…and flourish in doing so.

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, Individuality, Personal development | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

“The class had to move on…”

Posted on February 3, 2010 by therealmotherlode

Learning differences aside, sometimes it’s the pace of the class that can be detrimental to a child.  I’ve been thinking a lot about a comment a mom made on my blog.  This courageous mom withdrew her 8-year-old son because he wasn’t fitting in in the classroom.  The child, who has won awards for his creative writing, told his mom that he was no longer good at writing.   He deduced this because in school he was always last to finish…or, not at all.

As his mom put it, “The class had to move on….”

Mom could have insisted that her boy buck up. Pick up the pace!  She could have pressured him, after all…this is the “real” world.  He’s going to have to face it sooner or later, right?

But she did something a cookie cutter system will never be able to do: She treated him as an individual.  And he is flourishing once again and writing creative stories.

As the pressure increases through standardized testing and No Child Left Behind, I would imagine there are many, many more children like this.  Will they be labeled as “slow?”  (Of course, the moniker would have to be much more scientific sounding than slow.)

Certainly, the child is aware  and ashamed of their “slowness” like this poor kid was.

A factory approach to educating children is detrimental and assembly lines are best utilized in factories.  Well, sometimes.  Even Lucy had a hard time keeping up.

Filed under: education, homeschooling, Labels are for Soup Cans, parenting, Public schooling, Special Needs' Kids | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Your child is deficient!

Posted on February 2, 2010 by therealmotherlode

For many children, today is a tragic day.  They and their parents will be informed that they are DEFICIENT.  They are beyond FLAWED.  (Which is worse than LIMITED.)

Because ladies and gentlemen, today is the day they give the TCAP Writing Assessment at Molly’s school.  This standardized test is the ruler by which your 5th, 8th or 11th grader will be measured.

Last week Molly brought home an informational flyer on it and I’ll be honest with you, I have lost sleep over this.  The 8th grade will be given an expository essay to write.

Here’s a brief snapshot of the criteria and ratings for the “Tennessee Scoring Rubric*.”

A score of 6- OUTSTANDING (And yes, it is in capital letters.)  The essay is well organized, grammatically accurate, etc…

5- STRONG.  Same stuff as above but less so.

4- COMPETENT.  Ditto above.

3- LIMITED. Some proficiency but clearly flawed.

2- FLAWED.  Need I expound on this?

1-DEFICIENT.  Serious and persistent writing errors.  This is probably the score my son would achieve.  He prefers working with his hands and will read only if he’s going to gain instruction on telephone switching.  (Or other areas of interest that are WAY beyond my area of comprehension.)

Am I advocating that we cultivate a bunch of anarchist dolts by throwing standards to the wind?

Hell no.  I’m a professional writer and am of the opinion that clear communication, both written and spoken, is imperative.

But I’m not so LIMITED to think that this is the only measure of success.  I think of the future diesel mechanics.  The dancers.  The poets.  The leaders.  All of whom will never become what they were destined to be.  Because they were labeled DEFICIENT and shamed and shut down long before they were given the chance to grow and flourish as individuals.

I think of the boys especially– the ones who learn best when they’re moving—sitting, confined to little desks,  knowing they will be weighed in the balance and found wanting.

Rubrics are best used in evaluating factories.  Not children.

PS I find it interesting to point out that in the book “On Writing Well,” one of the barriers to writing well is identified as SCHOOL.  (Author William Zinsser notes that the kids know how to construct a grammatically correct sentence but there is no creativity.)

*Rubric-noun – a title, heading, direction, or the like, written or printed in red or otherwise distinguished from the rest of the text.  A class or category.

Filed under: education, homeschooling, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, Public schooling, Special Needs' Kids | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Could your kid use a mentor?

Posted on January 21, 2010 by therealmotherlode

For kids with learning differences,  having a mentor may be the best investment you make in your kid’s education.  Kids with dyslexia and ADHD simply learn better in a hands on/ real world environment.

Where to begin?  Here’s what I did with Daniel, our 15-year-old.

Pray for direction.  When our friend and mentor Chris Davis first suggested to me that I pray and ask God to “resource” what Daniel would need for his education, I was very skeptical.   But since he’s had a little more experience in this department, we took his advice seriously.  Over time….and, might I add, in the right time….doors have opened that have simply amazed us.  (When the student is ready, the teach will appear, the ancient proverb says.)

Listen to your kid.  When Daniel took the initiative to call up a telephone dealer whose card he saw at an Antique’s Mall…I had to bite my tongue.  My “nice girl” training would have sabotaged his efforts.  (After all, we wouldn’t want to call a stranger and bother them.)  That one phone call led to a cup of coffee.  Then to a dinner invite…and now, to a rich, gratifying relationship between Daniel and Jim, his 70–something-young-at-heart-friend.   Daniel is learning more from Jim than he would ever learn in a classroom.  Life lessons are sprinkled through the telephone talks.

Watch their interests.  Your kid’s passions may not be as obvious as Daniel’s.  That’s okay.  Give them time and allow those interests to develop.  We’ve found interests may ebb and flow but trust me…their strengths will rise to the top-if they are given the time.

Ask around.  First look at your circle of friends.  Does your daughter like to decorate her room?  Is there an interior designer who would be willing to allow your kiddo to follow her around a few hours a week?  Is your kid a bibliophile?  Perhaps they can read to preschoolers at the story hour?  For us, Daniel connects with two different phones guys in addition to his one day a week internship at an Antiques Mall.

When you make a match- use the opportunity.  We take Daniel’s gig at the Antique’s Mall very seriously.  Sad but true….many kids have no idea how to be a faithful employee.  Being on time, working hard…looking for things to do when things are slow… These are just a few of the lessons we emphasize.  And thanks to Mr. Carl, Daniel is learning how to do basic bookkeeping and honing his customer service skills.  (“I told him he needs to talk less and listen more,” one of the managers, an 80-year-old man, told him.  “Bravo,” I replied.)

In a culture where our educational system is becoming more and more irrelevant, finding a mentor or an apprenticeship can be the best move you make for your kid.  Don’t believe the lies that attending a different class is what your kid needs.  Sure, that may be helpful to a certain extent. But even the best intended adaptations for “learning differences” fall far short of the value of getting their hands dirty in real world business.

All the world’s a stage, Shakespeare said.  I say, All the world’s a classroom…if we allow it to be.

Filed under: education, homeschooling, Labels are for Soup Cans | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

A Daniel update- the adventure of education

Posted on December 1, 2009 by therealmotherlode

Rare is the day that goes by that I’m not grateful for the opportunity to home school Daniel.  Especially since I now see up close and personal how public schooling is done these days.  (The name of the game is pass the test.)

For kids with learning differences, I can think of nothing more damaging that trying to squeeze them into a box and insist that they meet the same academic standards as a college bound kid with his sites set on architecture or engineering.  But that is precisely what No Child Left Behind is doing.

NCLB will never be able to recognize and quantify the genius of a good auto mechanic or a plumber or an artist.  And it is the folks wired with these talents that will be hurt the most.

But back to Daniel.  His day looks so different from a typical kid his age.  He meets with mentors on a regular basis.  Today, he is at his internship learning business math under a former math teacher/Junior Achievement leader. Mr. Carl tells me Daniel is doing a great job on the books. The customers LOVE him too.

Don’t start the kid on a conversation about telephone switches unless you have a LOT of time on your hands.  And frequently, he’ll emerge from his workshop to share his marvel over some gadget.  (I feign what I hope is an intelligent look and make happy noises.)

One of the other cool things about this kid is he’s not afraid to reach out and meet someone new.  Just yesterday, he received a thick Priority Mail envelope from a fellow in NY.  “Oh, that’s my new friend that Mr. Jim (his mentor) told me about.  He’s a phone expert too and sent me information of my switchboard.”  Daniel had picked up the phone and introduced himself to the fellow and voila, this guy sends a very kind letter telling Daniel he is at his disposal to teach him all about switches.

And then….get this.  Just the other day Jay told Daniel, “We need to save about $500 in order to get you some oscilloscopes.”  (You know, those electronic things with squiggly lines.)

The next day:  Daniel comes bursting in the door.  He is holding not one, but two, count ‘em, TWO oscilloscopes.  A neighbor, a former sound engineer, was moving and had no room for them and set them out by the dumpster. The one works perfectly fine….the other needs some work.  (I’m confident Daniel will be able to fix it.)

When I think of the kids that are right now sitting, bored out of their minds with irrelevant factoids being dropped into their brains….I feel sad.

I’m growing more convinced that if we run after what we were intended to do in this life, doors are going to open.  But it means letting go of the so called security of the system.  Can you imagine a world of kids that have been raised to pursue and explore their areas of interest?  It’s an exhilarating thought.

Daniel teaches me every day what an adventure life can be.  Especially when it comes to education.

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. -William Butler Yeats

 

 

Filed under: education, homeschooling, Labels are for Soup Cans, Personal notes, Public schooling | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Everyone you meet is a potential teacher

Posted on November 6, 2009 by therealmotherlode

As I was paddling around at the foot of Angel Falls this morning,  (I confessed on Facebook that when I’m swimming laps, I imagine I’m in South America but don’t tell anyone,) I was concentrating on my stroke.  Keep your head low….watch your stroke….

And I remembered Scott.  Scott was a tri-athlete that used to work at our old sports club back in Montana.  He was the pool maintenance man so we saw him regularly.  When I asked him for a few pointers on lap swimming, he happily did so.

But what really endeared Scott to my heart was his willingness to indulge Daniel’s curiosity with the inner workings of the pool pump.  At the time, Daniel was about five-years-old.

You might say that Scott was one of Daniel’s first teachers.  Since that time, Daniel has been taught by a number of amazing plumbers, phone repairmen, antiques dealers, a phone expert….and an old guy who smokes way too many cigarettes.  Electricians, banjo pickers, retired school teachers and most endearing, his 80-something-years-old Great Gramma.  (Daniel chats with her on the phone almost every night.)

(Wouldn’t you love the benefit of drawing from the wisdom and experience of a Godly, loving woman who’s been around for over eighty years?)

I have learned from my boy that everyone you meet is a potential teacher.  From the clerk at Wal Mart who has found a place of grace to live in in spite of the murder of his wife and children a few years ago….to my friends who’ve loved me at my worst.  Or the bookkeeper that helped me with my first “real” job….or Scott. (I gave up on the kick turn a long time ago, Scott.)

I think one of the biggest casualties of institutionalized education or religion is it marginalizes the teacher resident in each and every human.  Parents feel they’re not “qualified” to teach their own children.  And believers who feel the pastor is the only one qualified to counsel them. (Good Lord, no wonder preachers get so burned out.)

This is such a losing proposition.  We are wired to give and when we are withholding our life’s knowledge, experience and training in deference  for one whom the Matrix has deemed “qualified,” everyone loses.

A wonderful thing happens when you begin to see the teacher resident in everyone.  You see opportunity around every corner.  And your respect and appreciation for people will go up.  (Not to mention the other way around. How does it make you feel when someone asks for your advice on a matter?)

When I look at the young man Daniel is turning into I am astounded at the teachers God has brought to him.

And then I shudder thinking of what could have happened had I followed that pediatrician’s advice to “Get this child on medication and into a classroom as soon as possible.”

When Daniel is not being tutored by one of these amazing people he spends hours learning.  I’d tell you what he’s up to but truth be told, I haven’t a clue because it’s all over my head.

Now that you’ve met a few of Daniel’s teachers, here’s a picture of his current classroom:

P1040388

I don't think *this* is what that pediatrican had in mind, do you?

theresa_sig

Filed under: education, Individuality, Labels are for Soup Cans, Personal development, Public schooling | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Horse Boy

Posted on September 9, 2009 by therealmotherlode

41Y0jZW4hzL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_You know a book has to intrigue me when I buy a hard back copy.  (Okay, so I bought it at Costco so I’m not a *complete* tight wad.)

This is the story of Rupert Isaacson and his crazy vision to travel to Mongolia to consult with shamans to heal his son of autism.  (And yes, I see that evangelical hand wave furiously in the back to tell me how demonic this all is….settle down for a minute and listen, okay?)

This book touched me on so many levels.  While our trials were no where near the intensity the Isaacsons dealt with….it still brought back plenty of memories. (Having a high energy toddler with Sensory Integration issues is no walk in the park.)

And I remembered all too well the frustration of wishing my boy would just play with a normal toy….not a circuit board.  Wondering if I could get through a store without an obsessive trip to see the potties.

I found their story absolutely gripping.  It is a love story in its purest form….a parent’s battle for their child.  I appreciated Ru’s candor and transparency in talking about the raw emotions of dealing with a kid for whom tantruming was a part of life.

Kristin, his wife, and also a practicing Buddhist…inspired me with her perspective on “self-compassion”.   (You’ll just have to read it for yourself.  It’s on page 64. ;) )

I know, I know…you’re asking…so DID their son, Rowan, get healed of his autism?    I won’t make you wait….the answer is….

Sort of.

He had amazing improvements in certain areas.  But again…here’s where I loved their perspective.  Ru differentiates between a “healing” and a “cure”.    These wise parents were able to look past some of the challenges that Rowan has an autistic child….and see some of the amazing gifting he possesses.  (One of which is the ability to connect with animals on a very deep level.)

To have him completely cured would remove that gifting.

I know for me I had a real turning point when I realized that the challenges we were dealing with in Daniel….were simply part of the package that he came with.  I remember asking God to heal Daniel….and the whisper I heard oh so clearly in reply was, “I made him that way.”

Theories abound as to why autism is on the rise.  Environmental? Vaccines?  Increase in diagnosis?  Maybe a little of it all.

It beats me.  The theories are best left to people far smarter than I.

But I do know that kids with differences offer opportunities to see the world in new ways….and as illustrated by the Rowan’s parents….a peek into the depths of love’s beauty and devotion.

Sort of reminds me of another story…

PS Get more info on their ongoing work to help autistic kids using equine therapy here.

theresa_sig

Filed under: ADD/ADHD, Labels are for Soup Cans, parenting, PDD-NOS, Personal development, Special Needs' Kids | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

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