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    Theresa Lode or, simply “T”, had her world turned upside down and inside out when her son was diagnosed with ADHD and a few other goodies. Her choice- follow the doctor's orders....or trust her heart and delve into the world of Free Range Education. She chose the latter...

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Would Jesus cuss?

Posted on February 15, 2010 by therealmotherlode

What would happen if a scroll were discovered that shed a new light on the nuances in the words that Jesus spoke?

What if instead of calling the religious leaders, “white washed sepulchers” we learn that he was really saying, “You’re full of shit?”

How would King James handle that one?  “For verily, I say unto thee, thou art full of faeces!”

Why is this crazy thought so offensive?  I think it is because we’ve substituted a code of behavior for life transformed by his grace.  Because when you become a Christian, you’ve got to clean up your act, right?  (Which means no smoking, swearing, chewing or associating with those that do.)   And the first steps toward performance based Christianity are taken.

Truth is, Jesus was VERY offensive. He was a thorn in the flesh of the religious leaders nor did he mince words with them.  And I’m sorry, but Jesus did not speak the Queen’s English either; he spoke in the common language of the common man. He spoke so the uneducated and the simple could understand.

Somehow it’s much easier for me to think of the religious as those wearing tall pointy hats, swinging incense and chanting Latin.

No.  I need only look in the mirror to catch a glimpse of religion, try as I may to rid myself of it.  I find it anytime I sniff my disapproval at someone’s behavior.  I am confronted with it anytime I am offended because, after all, the Word of God says…...

And I know my tendencies well enough to know that if I lived in that earlier time, I would likely gasp loudest at Jesus’ heresy.  After all,we all know a good Christian would never swear.

Why is it that we gasp at outward behaviors and not at our own shortcomings and our need for grace?  You know the stuff…the stuff we work so hard at keeping hidden so we look good? 

Except for the love that transform me and frees me from the tyranny of Christian self improvement…I will remain on the treadmill judging others and remaining offended.   And also being judged and offensive myself.

Would Jesus cuss?  I don’t think he ever gave thought to his behaviors…his relationship with his Father defined who he was.  Living inside that love he remained holy; it wasn’t his committment to clean living.  But still- his extended invitation to enter into that same relationship with God sans condition was deeply offensive to the law keeper in us all. 

Living loved is the only thing that will make for the real changes.  Less gasping… more acceptance.  Less judgment and more love.

If anyone tries to tell you else wise, they’re full of….religion.

Filed under: church, church life, Spirituality, The God Journey | Tagged: , | 7 Comments »

You’re a BAD mom!

Posted on November 30, 2009 by therealmotherlode

I had a friend comment lightheartedly on what a good mom I was because I mentioned missing the kids when they’re gone.  (If you only knew, I thought.)

Another mom commented that she must be a “bad” mom because she loved it when the kids were gone.  (At least for a while.)

And we had a chuckle over it.  But it got me thinking about how often we classify ourselves and those with whom we have relationship.  Especially kids.

Our knee jerk reaction when we see our kids misbehaving.  Or our reaction to that idiot who just cut in front of you on the highway.  The snotty receptionist you inconvenienced by wanting to do business with her company.

Bad, bad, BAD!  You are BAD human beings!

Or like in the delightful story of Madeline and her fellow orphans, we frown on the bad and smile at the good.

The nice person holding open the door.  Your child’s clean room.

Good girl! Good boy! I LIKE you!

This causes a “good” response, right?  (See, there I go again using that language.)

Well, I can see how that can be just as destructive as screeching “Bad” every time someone doesn’t live up to your expectations or violates one of your pet peeves.   (How about the sacred cow of children speaking disrespectfully to their parents? Nothing can incite the umbrage of a parent quite like that one!)

Or how about this.  A very dear friend of mine pulls out the china and has a beautifully set table when she invites you for dinner.  (“It shows people you care,” she says.)  Does this mean the single mom who pulls out the paper plates and a pot of beans like another friend means she doesn’t care?

Are either of these ladies right or wrong?  Of course not!  They were both serving from the heart.

The pesky problem is that when we base our relationships off of what we deem “good” or “bad” it quickly puts a funky spin on how we relate to one another.

Soon it all becomes about behavior (or the china/paper plate discussion) instead of a heart connection.  This is especially problematic if your emotions are as capricious as mine can be…especially at that time of the month (when the AT&T bill arrives.)  I’ll tolerate a behavior one day and find it an offense punishable worthy of…of…well, something really bad.

It’s that law thing working in us that Paul talks about in Galatians.  (I think the message in Galatians can be summed up by saying, “Who died and left you in charge?”)

Well, goody for you, Theresa. (Yeah, I heard that snide comment in the back of the room.)  Does this mean we allow our kids to run a muck and all go on Prozac to keep from flipping off that driver?

I can only speak for myself.  By slowing down my reaction to look at the heart behind the behaviors, I find I can curtail a significant portion of frustration.  (This is becoming VERY important as we navigate the waters of adolescence right now.)

On the other hand, if I just resign myself to being a barking law keeper in the home…it will destroy relationships.

I’ve been using the phrase, “It is what it is” quite a bit lately.  It’s been more disarming to my tempestuous emotions than the Good/Bad language that’s filled so much of my life.

When we free ourselves and others from our expectations, a truly beautiful, life-giving thing takes place: Grace happens.

I’m glad that God’s not up there calling me a “good mom” or a “bad mom.”  I think if he does use an adjective it would be loved.

A Loved Mom.  Yes, I like that.

Filed under: family life, parenting, Spirituality | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Building the kingdom…one Tedious Dance at a time

Posted on May 18, 2009 by therealmotherlode

Yesterday Caleb attended a church service with his buddy.

“How was it?” I asked.

“Oh, it was okay,” he replied.

“Didcha learn anything?”

“Oh, not really.  We learned a tedious dance and learned about the VBS that’s coming up?”

Jay and I started howling.

“A tedious dance?” I asked in between my laughter.

“Yeah….it was like the Five Dollar Foot Long Dance,” he replied.

What do YOU think?  Would performing this dance make you, um, er….hungry for God?

Caleb further explained.  The Five Dollar Foot Long Dance mini-lesson was part of a promotional teaser for the upcoming VBS.

He went on to tell us about the “kid’s service” he attended.  Moms and dads go to the big sanctuary and the kiddos go to age segregated programs. The new church building will also have a restaurant and an area to make it look like Opryland, he told us.  Throw in a few ferris wheels and elephants….

Woo-weeee!  This Kingdom building takes a lot of work!  And money too.  But you know what?  It just doesn’t make no never mind to me anymore.  I am just so happy to be free of the system.  Free of the obligations.  Free of the goofiness of tedious dances, manipulative evangelism and personality driven services.

I especially delight in hearing my 11-year-old’s perspective on this because of the clarity with which he can see through all the nonsense.  Don’t get me wrong…he has as much fun as the next kid at a VBS.  But kids have a way of cutting to the chase in such a refreshing way.

But I think he sees through the ruse we’ve done in Christianity.  As I build relationship with my kids and with my Father….it’s done through trials and good times…..honest dialog….transparency.  I don’t want my kids to learn of me through what I write or the memories of other people….I want them to spend time with me and to engage in life together.

That’s where the real growth happens.  Five Dollar Foot Long dances might be good for advertisement but it’s a pathetic portrayal of the rich invitation God gives us to live in relationship with him.

And you don’t have to learn any tedious dances!

Filed under: church, church life, Spirituality | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Fear! It’s what makes the world go round!

Posted on February 16, 2009 by therealmotherlode

Frequently I have to have a discussion with myself:  No, Theresa….you do not have a brain tumor. (Note  to self: See David.  My chiropractor.) Caleb’s freckle isn’t a malignancy.  And no, Jay isn’t going to die in a freak accident driving to work.  (Most likely anyway.)

From fear in relationships (What did she really mean by that comment?) to some pretty ridiculous fears (Remember the paranoia that the Cabbage Patch dolls were demonic? I never could quite understand that one) to well, the news is truly scary lately.

My sister told me how researchers have isolated a “worry” gene.  Interesting stuff.  And then this article talks about how researchers can erase bad memories with a pill.  I find the study amusing because the associated a picture of a particular spider with a mild shock so study participants would associate the spider as a bad memory.  (I personally need no assistance in creating a bad memory when I look at any spider.)

Fear does not discriminate against age. When I was a kid, a driving fear was getting my bowl of the sweetened cereal before my siblings hogged it down.  Trust me…that fear was NOT driven by the fear gene, rather experience.

Even independent thinkers have a hefty helping of fear. Our friend and mentor, Chris Davis has observed that in particular, Home school moms are among the most fear-ridden people he’s ever met.  Are we doing enough?  Are their gaps in my child’s education?  Will they be maladjusted?  Blah, blah, blah.

Then today I read Wayne Jacobsen’s blog.  He talks about the fear people expressed over “The Shack” being printed by secular publishers abroad.  His response:

I find many believers by and large live with far too many suspicions of other people. They’d prefer to live inside of those fears, then let circumstances play out and see if there is in fact a problem.

Yep—across the spectrum…I think all of humanity has the worry gene.  It drives lawsuits, destroys relationships and keep us from living loved.

Worry doesn’t change anything…it just gives us a false sense of control of that which we have not control.  It’s a human tendency and satan’s greatest tool in the world today, me thinks. Is it any wonder Jesus told us several times to “fear not”

Somewhere in all this one must draw a line in the sand and say: NO MORE.  Stuff happens.  We’re all gonna die anyway. How do we want to pass the time between now and then?  Riddled with fear and suspicion or enjoying ice cream and a laugh with our loved ones?

Again, from Wayne:

I think Jesus said it best. Be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves. Keep your eyes open, but don’t live to speculation when reality will always unfold on its own.

Filed under: Spirituality | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Learning to live loved

Posted on January 4, 2009 by therealmotherlode

It is both exhilarating and a little sad too when I realize how I find myself needing to learn how to love people.  Kent Burgess shared some wonderful thoughts on his blog and then pointed to a comment by Kirk that really jarred my usual paradigm.

Kirk talks about his encounter with a couple of Mormon missionaries and how he was compelled to respond differently.

What’s a little sad to me here is the fact that I know playing the “My way is the right way” scripture game is ineffective…I still have trouble seeing what Living Loved looks like. Oh- I’m not talking about distributing blankets to the homeless or sending shoes to the poor in Africa.  That stuff’s pretty easy to do.

I’ve been well versed in the “Faithful are the wounds” Scripture.  I know the proper Scriptures to admonish and exhort the wayward and unbelieving….but I’ve missed the forest through the trees.  It’s really all about love.  Laying down my agenda and my opinions.  The stuff that’s much harder than helping the poor.

This year I want to challenge my same ole same ole responses to people who believe differently than I do.  If they are pro choice—try to understand their perspective.  Perhaps they’ve see too many unwanted children that have been abused and they see no other alternative.  If they are homosexual—to treat them with respect and kindness.

I feel ashamed that as Christians we have been more identified by our beliefs and agendas than by our love for the world. And that I even have to ask myself what does love look like?  (And I’m not referring to quoting Scripture.)

But yet I am full of hope and great enthusiasm when I see/hear about folks like Kirk who are unleashing the love of God….and it’s really quite simple.

Filed under: church, church life, Spirituality | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Living by rule or principle?

Posted on December 31, 2008 by therealmotherlode

Better eat up the last of that Christmas fudge!  At the stroke of midnight it’s time to break out the celery sticks and toast in the New Year with a Diet Coke.  Oh- scratch that, if you’re like me, Diet Coke triggers hunger….make that a nice glass of selzer water.

Oh bleck.  Count me out.   Not because I find selzer water disgusting (which I do) or celery revolting (which I don’t)…but rather because I’m tired of life by the rule book.

And let the record show…for the most part, resolutions and accountability groups simply don’t work for most people.  Why?  Because they make us little law keepers.   Learning to live loved and by its principals will yield true, lasting  change.

Instead of a list of diet rules—adopting a love for self that naturally causes you to yield to a healthier lifestyle.

Instead of hauling out the ole ball and chain curriculum box for your kid—allowing your kids time to explore who he is. (The true basis for education.)

Need to quit gossiping this year?  How about asking God to transform your heart so your love for people reels in disgust at the thought of speaking badly of another.

Our human tendancy is to run to the law.  Modern Jews, God bless ‘em, have assembled a dizzying-list of laws, much longer than was ever laid out in the Torah.  And we Christians aren’t any better—most of our Christian life is validated by a performance driven culture which leaves us perpetually plodding one tired foot in front of the other.

And here–I’ll step on some toes–Accountability groups merely become another stage for the performance trap.

Do you suppose Ghandi and Mother Teresa kicked their year off with resolutions?  Do you suppose Paul and the other Apostles kicked off their year with a planning pow wow?  (“Hey boys!  Open your daytimers to the month of January!”)  It challenges my goal-driven heart.

Am I against goals?  Absolutely not!  But we need to remember that goals, vis a-vi laws,  have their limitations.   At their deepest level, they should point us to grace.  You know…the stuff Paul wrote to the Galatians.

I hope this is the year that I…and you,  tap deeper into the amazing riches of God’s love for you and enjoy the rest  it provides.

PS.  Join in the grace discussion at The God Journey.

Filed under: church, church life, Goal Setting, Personal development, Spirituality, The God Journey | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Oprah’s Big Gain

Posted on December 10, 2008 by therealmotherlode

Poor Oprah.  Her show, “Oprah’s Big Give” ended up being a Big Fizzle.  And now the poor dear is embarrassed to announce she’s hit the big 2-0-0 on the scales.

I gotta admit…my first reaction was, “Whew!  I guess I’m not so bad off after all!” And I suspect I wasn’t the only one mentally comparing myself against Oprah’s numbers.  Or how about those who have joined me in casting a critical eye at Oprah over the past several months wondering has she or has she not gained weight back?

I’m not pleased with my reaction but the truth is the habit of comparing oneself against another is a hard one to break.  Maybe even harder than losing and maintaining a weight loss. (How I speak from experience.)

We woman have it down to science and in a nanosecond can cast a glance at some biker’s bottom perched over their peddles and ask a question more common than “what’s for dinner”.  It is: “Is my butt that big?”  And of course, we are careful to ask that question only of hiney’s plenty bigger than our own lest we are faced with an uncomfortable truth.

Oprah’s professed sense of embarrassment is something all of us can relate to.  And I don’t care if she’s gotten a little flaky with some of her philosophies…you’ve got to admire a woman with the guts to be so transparent.  (I mean, she had me fooled with her clever dressing and the camera angles.  I never would have guessed her to be that heavy.)

I think the weight loss battle is something that can only be truly won by grace.  Not the “God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense” definition of grace (I hate that definition)….but Grace as in “A Life of Living Loved.”

Because of our  human condition, outward behavior modification (like dieting or having a personal trainer) can only bring us so far.  But when the change happens from the inside out…it is change that lasts.

When we understand the amazing love of God and live loved, the power of addictions loses its hold.

It’s something I’ve not yet attained but to that which I aspire.  And while I’m sure Oprah’s had an outpouring of love and support from her adoring fans…even this won’t be enough to effect the change she (should I use the word?) hungers for.

Filed under: Personal development, Spirituality | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Jesus is coming back…and boy is he ticked!

Posted on December 5, 2008 by therealmotherlode

The first time I saw that bumper sticker it cracked me up.  It reminded me of the time when we’d play “Angry Daddy” or whatever the heck we called it when we were kids.  One of my siblings or I would grab dad’s belt, fold it over and then smack it on the steps as we walked up.  Step-SMACK!-Step-SMACK!  I can’t remember what we’d say but I’m sure it was something along the lines of “YOU’RE GONNA GET IT!”

The rest of us would be upstairs hiding and giggling.  Don’t ask me where we got that game but I think it’s hilarious in that it so graphically depicts in my mind the “Angry God” picture religion creates in the hearts and minds of its adherents.

Our Heavenly Father  is coming up the steps, only he’s wielding a horsewhip….Step-SMACK!-Step-SMACK!  “Be ye perfect as your Father-that would be moi-  in heaven is perfect! Conform! Perform!”  And I’m not sure that Jesus would swear but I can almost hear him saying in this ridiculous picture, “I died on the cross, dammit!” SMACK! “Get your crap together!”

Yes….this is an exaggerated picture.  But as I see the fallout from the elections and hear the amount of believers wringing their hands and fretting what went wrong I think it’s grievous.  Maybe if we fasted enough…Maybe if just prayed more…maybe IF WE DID fill-in-the-blank.

It’s the same ole same ole religious song and dance.  “If we don’t—God can’t”  This thinking really makes our loving Heavenly God to be no different than some avenging pagan god.

It’s not about what we do or don’t do…it’s about entering into a relationship with our Loving Creator.  I believe God is kinder and more loving beyond what we’re able to comprehend.  I believe he has a hilarious sense of humor and a compassion deeper than we’ll ever understand this side of heaven.  And I believe that in the midst of our sin and pain…he’s right there in the middle of it with us; not sitting on the sidelines waiting for us to get our act together.

I don’t believe God has allowed Obama to be elected to gives us a good collective whipping.  And I don’t believe he’s the antichrist either.  Feelings are running quite strong on this one.  When I was in an office the other day, politics came up.  The receptionist WHISPERED to me, “I dare not say this too loud in here; I voted for Obama.”

Good gracious!  We’ll accept you as long as you agree with us is the message that came across loud and clear.(“SMACK!”)

This sort of mean intolerance is religiousity at its worse.  But then again, when the Angry Daddy is storming up the steps these are the rules we play by.

Learning to live loved and extending grace and kindness to a hurting world will yield far more fruit than any election result.   And you don’t have to smack any belts around either.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

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