What do you want? This is the foundational question from which the coaching process is launched. It looks beguilingly simple at face value. Well, DUH. I want a new job. I want to lose weight. I want to be happy. I want, I want…
You wanted this stuff last year. And the year – or twenty years- before. Look, I’m saying this with great compassion and gentleness. If you really wanted it, why have you not gotten it?
You’re stuck. Maybe you haven’t planned. Maybe a circumstance knocked you upside the head and distracted you. I could go on and on just drawing from my own experiences and excuses but I don’t think that would be helpful.
The “What do you want” question needs to be evaluated on a deeper level. Deeper level isn’t something most folks are familiar with. We are trained from a very early age to just not go there. We live in a knee jerk, dualistic, I-want-it-now mentality. This does not make for a contented life. If we’re unhappy we first look at circumstances and blame them.
The tail/tale chasing cycle continues.
For me, years of chronic pain forced me to dig deeper. For others it might be a sudden crisis – a death, a job loss, a betrayal. These wake-up moments can bring crystal clarity. Some will still ignore the call.
Maybe you don’t want a new job – you really want someone to appreciate your efforts. The urge to have your own business has a motive of needing more flexibility. The weight loss is driven by deep seated shame where emotional healing needs to take place.
One thing that truly amazes me about the coaching process and this question is how more often than not, things are not as they appear.
“What do I want?” is a question that needs time and bravery to evaluate. Getting clear on this is the first step to finding the joy and contentment you’re seeking.