Chronic Pain · Coaching · Goal Setting · Sacred Clutter · TMS

What do you REALLY want?

Okay, you now know what you want. You’re ready to move through the coaching process and have everything figured out within a month. Clarity has arrived! You will be flinging open your shutters, emerging from the dark winter to feel the rays of springtime sunshine beaming down on your face. Singing birds will flutter about along with smiling honeybees. And look! Your tummy is finally flat, milk no longer gives you gas, and your children are more cooperative. You’re got it all figured out!

Watch much Disney lately? If I could produce that sort of intense and successful coaching practice, I would be a very wealthy woman. Heck, I’d sign up for that program!

Most people spend a lifetime being unsure of what they want. I’ve even had 60-somethings tell me they were still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up.

What’s up with this? We live in a time where it has never been easier to access information and learn anything. We can network with movers and shakers around the world. No longer must one wait to “be picked” as it were; we can choose ourselves.

So why do we spend our time squandering away the day on Facebook, dreaming of another life?

I think it’s because we’re experts at distracting ourselves. We’re distracted with social media and its endless invitations to outrage and fear. We’re distracted with numbing agents. We get distracted with psychosomatically induced chronic pain and health issues. The undealt with Sacred Clutter contributes to this too. If we could only change the outward circumstances, THEN we’ll be happy.

That day will never come, people. Most people haven’t a clue what they want – what they REALLY want – because we’ve been programmed by the expectations of others.

Some of that programming is vital, say, learning to be kind to others or the importance of good hygiene. A LOT of it though, is through shame-driven compliance. It starts at home and continues par excellence in the ultimate conformity machine – government schools. Wait to be told what to do and you’ll earn a shiny star! And speaking of shiny, sure the cup looks shiny on the outside, never mind the swill within.

I don’t believe there is malice intended when I speak of this. (Mostly, anyway.) We learn from others who have not broken free of these things themselves.

Stepping away and re-examining how one is living one’s life is scary, scary business. It’s lonely. It can cost financially. Your parents may disapprove and your boss may slap your hand. (I’ve come to the conclusion I make a terrible employee for this reason – I just can’t resist poking a stick in machinery.)

Know thyself. This is the best basis for discovering what you really want.

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